Who the Hell said Babies were bundles of Joy?
by Ribbonrebel31
Summary: Itachi has found a basket full of 3 babies, he brings them into the Akatsuki, and they all take on the huge responsiblity to care of the bundles of joy, how long will they last? bundles of joy are always from hell no pairings strictly humor lol R&R PLZ
1. The BabiesFROM HELL!

_**A/N: HELLO ALL THE PEEPS THAT HAVE READ MA STORIES SO FAR yes I am writing another story, but I'll be trying to do it at the same time as the whole high school daze thingy. Yeah, I think -unless I ask for something like ideas from my lovely reviewers- that each chapter will come out on Thursdays for High School Daze, and Saturdays **__**for Whoever said Babies were a bundle of joy? (This story) well here u go just a little idea that popped up inside my brain while I was eating some snails (YESH I EAT SNAILS XD) and I was having a bath. ENJOY THE TORMENT AND HORROR THAT ITACHI UCHIHA IS ABOUT TO GO THROUGH (yes I hav realized I hav an OBSSESSION of seeing Uchihas in pain, it's because they are emo, I like taking the mick outta emos, and what's not to laugh about them I mean seriously, Sasuke's hair, emoness, stalker fangirliness, HE GOES TO A GAY SNAKE FOR POWER AND THE GAY SNAKE MAN WANTS HIS BODY!!!!! . Now Itachi is just plain messed up, I mean he killed his WHOLE clan and lives in an organization f freaks ¬¬) well ENJOY WHILE I ATTEMPT TO BREAK OUTTA JAIL FOR ATTEMPTIGN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH MY FAITHFUL ARMY OF SPORKS!!!!!! **_

_A woman in a shawl was running as fast as her feet would carry her, she had__ 3 bundles in her arms that were all murmuring and fidgeting about, which made it harder for her to keep track on what she was doing. One pale little hand reached up to her hair and tugged on it to examine it, she didn't mind, and carried on running._

_She stopped when she reached a huge boulder and placed the babies to float on the water for a short time, she quickly done a kage bunshin and sent them out looking for some reeds. They all came back to her, successful and gave her the reeds, while three other bunshins picked up the crying bundles and rocked them to sleep. The Lady made a small basket, but it was just big enough to hold the 3 infants and was light enough to float. The kage bunshins came and put the babies in the basket, but not before placing a small kunai/rattle thingy in each of their tiny hands._

_She sensed chakra coming, and jumped back into the trees cancelling the jutsu for the kage bunshins. She sat there and watched. A man with long raven-black hair, pulled back into a neat ponytail, came up to the boulder and looked down at the basket full of murmuring babies. He looked left and right before cautiously picking up the basket and going inside the lair of the Akatsuki. The lady smiled and threw off her shawl, and her hair ended in 2 thick blonde, low ponytails. _

_Her smile then changed to a wicked smirk "Let's see who cracks first, __the new Team 7 or the Akatsuki…" she commented and laughed evilly, took a swig of sake form a bottle she had, and set ff again._

'_I__ hope Shizune has those documents ready or so help me I'll set konohamaru on her"_

xxx With Itachi xxx

Itachi slowly walked towards the Akatsuki base; he was by himself, because he went on a solo mission, and he was holding… SHOPPING BAGS!!!! He groaned when he realized his foot path was blocked by a basket. Itachi put the lightest bag in his mouth and picked the basket up, he looked around looking for someone, when he was distracted but the soft gurgle coming form the basket. He summoned up some kage bunshin to hold the bags _**(GOD AKATSUKI FOOD SHOPPIGN SUX XD.)**_ Itachi carefully lifted up the blanket that covered the inside of the basket. He twitched when a little hand came and tugged on his hair. He tore the blanket clean off, nearly squealed, but he is an Uchiha, Uchihas do not squeal _**(LIES ALL LIES I TELL U .)**_

Three small 8 month old infants were all looking up at him, one had very short raven-black hair and matching onyx eyes, the other; small blonde hair and crystal blue aqua eyes, and the last one had short cherry pink hair tied up in two cute little pigtails and emerald eyes. The black haired baby spoke up… well said something... "Papa"

Itachi twitched again… he sighed when he could see no one or sense any chakra, and moved the boulder aside. His kage bunshins followed and went straight to the kitchen to put the food away. This'll be a fun thing to tell the leader, he thought sarcastically. He went up to his room and took the babies out one by one, deciding what gender, they were "Boy, Boy, girl" he muttered.

The girl was wearing an elegant baby pink dress, and the other two boys had a red and blue top with some shorts on. They all sat on the bed and stared at the raven haired man before them. After what seemed like an eternity of staring, the little girl clapped her little hands and put them up towards the man. Itachi leaned forward, as if the little girl would say something. As soon as he was close enough, the little girl clung round his neck. He lifted himself up with the little girl dangling from his neck. Itachi put his hands round the little girl's waist to support her and she giggled happily, he looked back at the other two babies. The blonde haired baby was humming and rocking side to side smiling.

"Ok that's two done and sorted, but where's the other-"

Itachi was interrupted by a shoe that was flung at his head from behind, he turned round and glared at the little boy in a bundle of red and black cloaks, Itachi lifted up the shuffling mass of cloaks, which revealed the missing baby, who was now chewing on his most prized kunai.

"ARGH NO DROP THAT NOW NO YOU DON'T CHEW ON IT!!! ARGH WHY DID U HAV TO HAV TEETH????!!!! NOO MY KUNAI!!!!! MY PRECIOUS KUNAI!!!" Yes this sounded very weird if u couldn't see what was happening, and Deidara just happened to pass by his door. Deidara twitched and flung the door open shouting:

"OH MY GOD UN!!!!! YOU AND KISAME ARE GAY YEAH!!!!!" Deidara stopped when he noticed the three kids, one chewing on Itachi's favourite kunai, another sitting happily on his bed and a baby girl nestled in his arms, that was now asleep. He looked at Itachi who was now twitching uncontrollably. Deidara chuckled nervously and stepped out the room, before Itachi could attempt to attack him.

Itachi placed the sleeping girl on the bed and ran out the door after Deidara. The raven haired baby clapped and squealed with delight, then went over to Itachi's special weapons box, a box filled with all sorts of weapons imaginable.

It took Itachi a couple of seconds after finding and strangling Deidara, that a box full of murderous weapons was dangerous around children, they would chewed to death in seconds. Itachi widened his eyes in horror and dragged Deidara back to his room, where the found the same raven haired boy with his head in the box, he wasn't moving. Itachi slowly crept forward while Deidara sat on the bed massaging his sore neck. Itachi picked up the black haired little boy and found out he had just fallen asleep while rummaging through his almighty weapons box.

He sighed in relief and placed the little sleeping boy next to the girl, while he watched the other boy who was now yawning and blinking his eyes repeatedly.

"Um, Itachi yeah, why hav u got 3 kids yeah?" Deidara asked, staring at the now 3 sleeping masses on Itachi's bed.

"It's a long story Deidara, I'll explain it later," with that Itachi fainted from panic, tiredness and those heavy EVIL shopping bags of doom.

Deidara walked out the room laughing.

_12 hours later_

Itachi woke up first, and attempted to get up, and found that there were three new weights on his body. He groaned and opened his eyes, only to find that the 2 sleeping babies where huddled on top of him, well blonde baby was clinging to his arm, and the other two were on his chest.

Just then Tobi came bursting in

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!! TOBI KNOWS ALL TOBI- why is Itachi –Sama being held captive by short dwarf people? DON'T WORRY ITACHI-SAMA TOBI WILL SAVE YOU!!!!" _**(Yes we all love Tobi don't we?)**_

Tobi jumped into the room, and picked up the babies and proceeded to throw them at the window, but Itachi stopped him. The Babies, however, disturbed from the fact that had been forcefully lifted up and taken away from their source of warmth, began blubbering and soon they started crying their hearts out.

"Why do you little dwarf people cry? are you that weak? YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR TOBI HA HA HA!!!!"

Itachi smacked Tobi on the head and placed the babies on the bed, then he looked in the basket for the blanket. In the process of looking for the blanket, he found the rattles that Tsunade had given them. He gave the babies the blankets and the kunai-rattles. The kids stopped crying and Itachi walked over to Tobi rubbing his OWN forehead, he was still tired.

"Those, Tobi, ARE BABIES HUMAN BABIES, they are NOT dwarf people and you DO NOT attempt to FLING them out the WINDOW!!!!"

"But- but Tobi was trying to help Itachi-sama" Tobi whimpered.

"Tobi get out of my room now!"

Tobi left, whimpering slightly. Itachi looked at the kids, who, surprisingly, were trying to hit each other with the kunai-rattles, the ends were not sharp, they were blunt but they could still do some damage, Itachi shrugged and walked over to an empty scroll and began writing something down. There was an odd silence, Which Itachi didn't mind, but then it was interrupted by 3 ominous growls. He turned round slowly and stared at the three children on his bed, they stared back. Silence. More growls. The babies were scrunching up their faces in malice and stared at Itachi for a long time. It took him 15 minutes to realise they were hungry.

He stood up and walked over to them. He then picked then up, all three in his arms and walked down to the kitchen. Konan, Kisame, Hidan and Pein were in the kitchen at the time, and despite all the surprised looks he was getting, he ignored them and placed the babies on the counter.

Silence. Growls. Giggles from the kids. More silence.

"They are so KAWAII ITACHI!!!! CAN I HOLD ONE??" Konan asked letting the babies play with her finger, she let out a girlish giggle, when the blonde boy put her pinky finger in his mouth.

Itachi shrugged and pulled out some bread, milk and ham. Kisame, Pein and Hidan were looking at Itachi and Konan like WTF? 0.o, Pein was holding a fork with spaghetti on it to his mouth, but just held it there looking at Konan's strange behaviour and the children. Kisame had a bit of spaghetti hanging off his lip, and Hidan just stared.

Itachi made small bite sized sandwiches, and poured 3 small cups of milk, he himself just ate one mini sandwich and set the plate in front of the kids. Konan was holding the little girl and feeding her one of the sandwiches. The 2 boys were sitting closer together; drinking the milk from the cup they were given and ate a few sandwiches.

"Itachi can I take this one to wash her? Please please please she's really cute!" Konan said cuddling up to the little girl, who giggled and hugged Konan closer.

Itachi swore, loudly, he forgot that they needed to be washed.

"Konan can you do me a favour? I don't know how to actually wash them, so can you-" Itachi began, but was then interrupted by Konan's high girlish squeals. She scooped up the other 2 and began to run to the bathroom, when Itachi stopped her.

"You need to burp them, or they'll be sick." He stated calmly, taking the raven haired boy and patting his back lightly. The little boy made a loud burp that shook the windows and made everyone, except Pein and Konan, hair stick up and go all frizzy like. Said boy grinned.

"He totally outranked you in the burping contest Itachi…" Kisame said snorting into his coke.

"and nice hairstyle, afro TOTALLY suits you" he finished laughing.

Itachi glared. Itachi then took Blondie and burped him. Surprisingly it was the same volume as the black haired boy. The windows shook again and this time, Pein's hair was affected. Konan finally burped the cherry haired girl, The burp was off the frikken scale from her. The windows crashed and got blown away, TV had a crack running down it, everyone's hair, except Konan's, was afro and going in one direction, in more descriptive way, it looked like the whole lot of them had been hit by three tornadoes. The rest of the Akatsuki came running down the stairs, Deidara in front, who shouted

"WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS STOLE ONE OF MY BOMBS YEAH????!!!!!"

"Itachi, what exactly are you and Konan holding?" Sasori asked inquiring the Uchiha sceptically.

Itachi pointed at the little girl who was giggling happily, as Konan rocked her gently.

"YOU MAY BE CUTE, UN BUT THAT GIVES YOU NO RIGHT TO STEAL MY BOMBS YEAH!!!"

The little girl whimpered and dug her head into Konan's chest clutching onto the soft black fabric, crying slightly. Konan went and smacked Deidara upside the head.

"SHE DIDN'T STEAL ANY OF YOUR BOMBS YOU IDIOT!!! SHE JUST BURPED!!!!" Konan yelled.

"She? SHE BURPED?? Whoa, she totally beat you Itachi!" Konan rolled her eyes and put the little girl down, who ran behind Itachi's legs hiding peering out from behind them every now and then. The black haired boy ran out and hid behind Itachi's legs as well. The blonde boy was hiding his face in his chest. Itachi twitched and put the blonde boy down, who went and joined his other 2 friends behind Itachi's legs. Deidara kneeled down to their eye level and stared at them. Itachi moved his legs and nudged the children forward with his arms. The kids stepped forward a bit and stared at Deidara who just stared back. The pink haired girl, looked liek she was on the verge of tears and began sucking her thumb. The blonde one walked forward and grabbed Deidara's hand and looked at it. The mouth on Deidara's hand licked the blond boy's face who giggled and pulled the other 2 in front of him to show them the special hand. The pink haired girl was still scared of "the loud man" and ran towards the red haired shinobi hiding underneath his cloak.

The other 2 boys were staring at Deidara's hand in awe. Sasori bent down and lifted up his cloak and stared at the little girl who was still sucking her thumb and was sitting nervously by his legs. Sasori picked her up and stared at her. He smiled slightly and she clapped her hands.

"These kids, Itachi, where did you get them? Or did you just screw some random chick and got her pregnant with triplets?" Sasori asked putting on a little puppet show for the kids who were watching. Itachi glared.

"I didn't get anyone pregnant, they were just in a reed basket outside the base do I picked them up, and that's it." He answered eating a sandwich. Konan came back and announced she was gonna wash them.

"What took you so long?" asked Pein

"I had to make extra clothes for them that's why" Konan held up a small flowered sundress and a black mini version of Akatsuki cloak, an orange shirt with a swirl and chibi fox on it and some khaki shorts another mini version of Akatsuki cloak and last but not least a black and red skull top with matching black shorts and same cloak.

"You made.. those?" everyone asked at like the same time.

"Yup I already had the cloaks, but I didn't hav any clothes so I cut up some old ones and made these " Konan was extremely proud of herself. Konan picked up the little girl and placed her on her shoulder and the little girl clung to her neck to stop falling off, and she held the other boys' hands and led the way to the bathroom. All the guys looked at each other for awhile and heard the sound of splashing water and giggles coming from upstairs.

"Meeting, now." Pein said getting up and walking to the meeting room, everyone followed suite.

_**Well there you go too all those who haven't figured it, keep guessing I'll tell you maybe in the next chapter **__** I always thought it would be funny if the whole Akatsuki had to look after babies, I tried to make it seem as cute as possible well I hope u lieked it I'll still be writing High skool daze, this is just for fun now.. LET THE TORTURE OF THE AKATSUKI COMMENCE!!!!BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA**_


	2. Decisions

_**A/N: (sniff sniff) its people like you that make my day... I LUV U ALL THANK U SO MUCH!!!! (Sniff) I had a very bad cold this week and u people just made me feel 110 better thank u I hope this chapter is up to your standards, I especially want to give luv to Hiddenleafscherryblossom somehow she inspired me to write this story lol (blows tissue) ONCE AGAIN THANK U OH SO MUCH!!!! XDD**_

_**I do not own Naruto if I did Sasuke would be in love with Sakura and Itachi would Team 7's sensei lol, AND I WOULD BE NARUTO'S GET-HIGH-OFF-COFFEE-AND-RAMEN-PARTNER!!!!**_

_Recap_

"_You made... those?" everyone asked at like the same time._

"_Yup I already had the cloaks, but I didn't hav any clothes so I cut up some old ones and made these" Konan was extremely proud of herself. Konan picked up the little girl and placed her on her shoulder and the little girl clung to her neck to stop falling off and she held the other boys' hands and led the way to the bathroom. All the guys looked at each other for awhile and heard the sound of splashing water and giggles coming from upstairs._

"_Meeting, now." Pein said getting up and walking to the meeting room, everyone followed suite._

xxx In The Bathroom xxx

Konan was cooing over the three babies in the bath, their hair was lathery with shampoo and they sneezed every time the bath bubbles came in their nose.

"I don't really think Itachi-san gave u names did he?" Konan asked the kids who just stared at her and flicked the bubbles.

"I didn't think so, so I'm gonna call u Sakura cuz your as sweet as a cherry blossom" Konan said rubbing her nose on Sakura's nose, which caused her to giggle and splash the water. Konan then looked at the blonde boy and flicked some soap bubbles at him, he giggled and splashed some water at Konan's face who smiled and ruffled his shampooed hair.

"Hmm u look like a fox In some weird kinda way…and u have a weird swirly thing on your stomach " She said poking Blondie in his stomach, that made him sneeze and laugh.

"Hmm… I'll call u Naruto that name really suits you!"

Konan turned to the last baby and lifted him out of the bath. He shook his head and stared at Konan. Konan got a dark blue towel and wrapped him up in it and set the dark haired baby on the floor, the baby sat down and waited for his friends to come out.

"I have no idea what to call you…hmm I'll think of a name for u soon enough though"

Konan lifted the other 2 out the bath and wrapped them up, Naruto was in an orange towel and Sakura was in a light pink towel. They both kinda… stumbled over to the unnamed baby and huddled together, because they were cold. Konan squealed and whipped out a camera

"Say Cheese!!!!" CLICK. FLASH. Dazed babies fall over. Konan picked them all up and ran to her room to dress them up and do their hair. She squealed in delight flung open her hair styling things.

Xxx In the Akatsuki Meeting Room xxx

"Itachi, where did you find the babies?" Pein

"I already said, they were outside in a reed basket." Itachi

"Did you see anyone leave or pass by?" Sasori

"Nope," Itachi

"How come you're so good at taking care of them yeah?" who else would say un or yeah at the end of like every sentence?

"Before i became chuunin in my clan, I was always the one who looked after the babies (damn that clan for loving each other so much) with some of my cousins, who would usually ditch me and get other girls pregnant ¬¬"

"snicker snicker" everyone

"(ignores them)"

"Well now that we, um snicker, know, we need to figure out whether we are going to keep them or not."

"I say we ditch them THEY'LL BE TO MUCH MONEY TO SPEND!!" Kakuzu

"Hmm… he does hav a point…."

"Well they are kids , we could train them and use them to our advantage against enemies, I mean who would suspect little kids (like 5 or 8 or something) to be highly trained ninjas?" Sasori

"That is also a very good idea, it can mean that we could we save our chakra, we can deal with the enemies as well,"

"Yeah but those fucking kids will get in the fucking way too much they are probably bastards anyways, who the fuck would put 3 kids at the Akatsuki's doorstep anyways?"

Silence. Nods of agreement. More Silence.

"… well u are kinda right... and it seems there are more bad sides then good sides for these kids, so it seems we aren't going to keep them, well tomorrow morning, Itachi u go to the nearest village and put them in an orphanage or something-"

Konan comes bursting into the meeting room with the 3 children in their new clothes. Naruto ran to Deidara and began playing with his hands again. Sakura ran and hid under Itachi's cloak, she was also holding a grey stuffed bunny and the unnamed baby just climbed on top of the table and sat there looking at everyone. He was soon joined by his friends and they huddled together staring at everyone.

Konan whipped out her camera and took a picture of them again.

"OOHH THIS'LL BE SO MUCH FUN LOOKING AFTER THEM!!!!" She giggled hugging the babies.

"Uhh.. well about that Konan, u see the babies don't really have much meaning to be in the Akatsuki, so we aren't going to keep them and Itachi will-" Konan was engulfed in a very dark aura, she turned her head round mechanically and glared a very icy glare at Pein and the rest of the Akatsuki, who shuffled uncomfortably in their seats.

"I said, we're going to hav FUN looking after the BABIES didn't i?" Konan asked darkly.

Everyone nodded their head hurriedly.

"And we are NOT going to ABANDON them in a nasty Orphanage are we?"

Once again everyone shook their heads hurriedly

"Right… now I'm going to take these children to the kitchen; I will feed them, let them watch TV and put them to bed, does anyone have any arguments?"

Everyone again, for the last time, shook their heads hurriedly.

"YAY COEM ON BABIES KONAN IS GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO WATCH TV!!!" Konan yelled picking them up and leaving.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief

"OHH YOU SAID MY NAME YOU'RE SUCH A SMART LITTLE GIRL AREN'T YOU???" Konan's voice was heard from the living room

Everyone sweat dropped

"Well," began Pein

"It seems that we are keeping the babies,"

"WHAT WHY??" Hidan asked accusingly

"Would you like to go against Konan?" Pein asked raising an eyebrow

"I-i… never mind," Hidan sat back in his chair childishly and crossed his arms muttering about Konan is a heretic and deserves to die.

"TOBI LIKES THE DWARF PEOPLE!!! THE DWARF PEOPLE MAKE TOBI HAPPY AND MAKE TOBI FEEL ALL POWERFUL!!!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF CHIRST!!!! (Receives glare from Hidan) THEY ARE HUMAN BABIES TOBI!!!! NOT DWARF PEOPLE, NOW SHUT UP AND SIT BACK DOWN IN YOUR CHAIR!!!" Itachi yelled, his afro going to one side again.

Even with afro, Itachi was scary, although it probably knocked him down from an 11 to a 7 on the scare-o-meter. Tobi whimpered and sunk back into his chair.

"Well we know that the babies will be staying with us, un but we need to decide who will actually take care of the babies yeah"

"OH YEAAAHHHH" Everyone except, Sasori and Itachi

"Well, Konan did a good job of cleaning them, so she'll be in charge of washing, cleaning and changing them,"

"Ok"

"Itachi, since you found them, you'll be in charge of general things, like where the babies sleep (unless Konan says so), what the babies eat (unless Konan says so), where they go and you'll be mainly the role of Father for these kids."

"WHAT?? But but I-I-"

"No Itachi, YOU'RE going to have to be the fake father of those kids, now let me finish,"

"Fine" Itachi sits back in his chair like Hidan and mutters mean things about Pein

"Right, anyways, I like Sasori's idea, so in the beginning, let's see… um Itachi as the fatherly role you'll have to teach them how to speak (unless Konan says so). Sasori, you'll have to show them certain jutsu's, not too advanced, they are only kids, but only when they can talk properly. Deidara you can show the babies how to…uh…plan an attack. Kisame you show them katana and water techniques, Hidan… actually I don't trust Hidan yet, Zetsu we'll discuss your role later, Kakuzu you'll teach them how to steal, how to count and how to invest. And Finally Tobi, you can be... playmate towards the kids, (but Itachi must supervise) oh yes, Konan and I will be teaching them secret techniques... any questions?"

"What if Itachi or Konan isn't in yeah? Who looks after them??"

"Sasori, and you, because the boys like your freakish hands and the girl likes to hide under Sasori's cloak, because she is scared of you and your loudness."

"I AM NOT LOUD YEAH!!!!"

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Babies

"Why is that sound coming from my room?" Itachi

"DEIDARA!!! GET YOUR CLAY ASS UP HERE!!!!!" Konan

(Insert death March theme tune here)

Deidara doesn't move, so Itachi grabs him and they both go upstairs, well Itachi, more or less, drags Deidara who clings onto the table for dear life. Itachi gives a great pulled and half the table goes with Deidara.

"I am so not paying for that" Kakuzu

"ITACHI UN WHAT ARE YOU DOING YEAH???"

"Finding out why the noise is coming from my room, and I want to get a brush and possibly borrow Konan's hair straightener."

"ITACHI UN YOU'RE BRINGING ME TO MY DOOM ARE YOU CRAZY???!!!"

"Didn't you figure out I was crazy when I killed my clan?"

"I- crap un…DAMN U LET ME GO!!!!"

"OPPs we're already there," Itachi grinned at the horror-struck Deidara, and knocked on his OWN bedroom door. It swung open lightly, and revealed aura-covered Konan, holding three bawling kids. Sakura was holding her grey bunny, Naruto was folding a chibi fox plushie and the unnamed baby was holding Itachi's favourite kunai.

Itachi stepped forward and Deidara then jumped onto his face like a scared cat.

"HOLY SHIT!!!! GET OFF MY FACE DEIDARA!!!!!"

"NO, YEAH SHE'S GONNA HIT ME UN!!!!"

"oh I'm gonna much worse then hit you Deidara," Konan

Konan used her paper attack to make a hand and pull Deidara off Itachi's face.

"Itachi, you know where my room is, can u put these 3 to sleep again, while I take care of him, oh and use my hair straightener you could use it."

"Of course and thank you" Itachi took the babies and made his way to Konan's room.

The door was then slowly shut with the sound of:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UN!!!!!!!!!"

_**A/N: well there you go yes I have noticed they are a bit OOC but babies change everyone you know , too all those who realized yup this is what I think would've happened if the Akatsuki took care of babies and who the babies would be . R&R PLZ I am so proud, I mean I got like 7 reviews, on 1 chapter IN 2 DAYS X3 I wuv you guys, and make sure u check out Hiddenleafscherryblossom's story it's great, even though she just started ANY FLAMERZ FOR THIS STORY OR HERS WILL FEAR MY WRATH OF THE PINK FLYING OROCHIMARU MONKEYS WITH POINTY SPORKS OF DOOOM!!!! Remember to R&R for both of the stories we shall see what happens in the next episode of: "WHO THE HELL SAID BABIES WERE BUNDLES OF JOY?" **_


	3. Disturbing Memories

_**A/N: hello wonderful reviewers of mine I never expected this story to be so successful, well Thanx for all the reviews and I'm glad that I haven't gotten a flame yet I couldn't help but think up what it would be like to be the youngest member (apart from Deidara) in the Akatsuki, and what would happen when u got initiated into the Akatsuki. Lol I have**__** a perpetual fear of Spiders, llamas, and Pink llamas with sharingan ridden by Sasuke and his army of evil fangirls! (Shivers) THEY'RE EVERYWHERE I TELL U EVERYWHERE!!!! (Looks around suspiciously and holds up spork) uh... carrying on… I hope you like it DO NOT FLAME THIS STORY OR A LOT OF THINGS THAT I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO NAME SHALL BE AFTER YOU!!!!**_

_**WARNING!!! MAJOR OOCNESS FROM A DRUNKEN ITACHI AND AKATSUKI!!!**_

Itachi had carried the bawling babies to Konan's room with… difficulty, they kept squirming and moving around, and Naruto had barfed on his new FAVOURITE shirt, Sakura had somehow managed to hide worms in her dress and pushed them down Itachi's back, where they gleefully made their way to his pants; he looked like a retard the way he was hopping and dancing about with the occasional out bursts and fits of giggles. When he stuck his hand into his pants to get the worms out, Kisame passed by and twitched. Itachi remembered his words VERY clearly, "Man, are you a pedo or something? You're perving off to BABIES of all things god, and YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET A FRIKKEN ROOM? Orochimaru must have rubbed off on you, paedophilic Uchiha!" Itachi twitched and fell over, he finally got the worms out and chucked them at Kisame's head.

Itachi watched happily as the worms slide down Kisame's collar and Kisame began hopping around like a fish fresh out of water_** (XDDD PUN INTENDED not funny? Oh well uh… carrying on)**_ He turned round and glared at the little girl, who was innocently sitting with her 'siblings' and giggling occasionally. He growled and muttered obscenities and picked up the babies once more, Itachi passed Hidan's room where lot's of swearing could be heard, and this is what finally made the babies cry. He could've sworn this was worse then when he had a major hangover at his 'Innovation Party'

Flashback

"Congratulations Itachi you are now a fully fledged member of the Akatsuki!" Pein said handing 15 Year old Itachi the Akatsuki cloak and 'Scarlet' ring.

"Yay" Itachi replied emotionlessly, same stoic expression on his face. He turned round to leave and closed the door behind him with a loud bang.

"YOU COULD AT LEAST SAY THANK YOU!" Pein's voice was heard from behind the metal bolted door.

"HN!" He replied

"yeah, GREAAT answer, stupid bloody kids think they know it all- mutter mutter mutter"

Itachi slipped on the cloak and ring and began to walk towards his new room, until he was faced by the big blue shark-man thing, which was grinning profusely.

"Hey Itachi-san congratulations on becoming an Akatsuki member, come on I need to take you to the main hall, you have to meet the other people here." The shark-man thing said still smiling.

Itachi just stared at the… 'Blue freak' as he so called it, and answered

"Its fine, I have to finish writing up a scroll anyways, I will meet everyone when I know my way round this hell hole, I mean Akatsuki headquarters, now if you excuse me, your blocking the way to my room."

"Hai of course" Kisame said happily… a little too happily, and stepped aside for Itachi to go in.

Itachi walked into his room, unaware that Kisame, had a 'Weasel shaped bag' behind his back, just incase he 'refused' the 'offer' to go meet everyone. They had a huge party in the main hall, it was usually one of the rare chances they had to actually celebrate a party and drink sake and crap. Itachi sat down at his new desk, took out a half written scroll and began scribbling stuff down. Kisame creeped up behind Itachi, quieter then a church mouse. Before Itachi could actually register what was going to happen or what had happened, he realised he was in a bag, a dark bag, a particularly dark bag with a couple of spiders in it, a particularly dark bag with a couple of spiders in it that was moving from the outside.

Itachi whimpered silently, he didn't like the dark, he didn't like closed spaces and he DEFINITELY DID NOT like the SPIDERS!!! The moving stopped, and the spiders quickly scuttled over to Itachi's legs and began crawling up them. He screamed like a girl and took out a kunai, ripped open the bag and ran to the darkest corner of the hall he could find... Wait a minute hall? He sat there in his little corner hugging his knees and looking at the spiders on his legs. He shook his legs and they flew off. Itachi shivered, he never did like spiders, not since the day Seishou brought some to his house, and the jar they were in just HAPPENED to crack while they were in Itachi's room, the spiders just HAPPENED to be in Itachi's bed.

The people in the hall looked at the twitching 15 year old weirdly, and meekly shouted out "Surprise?"

Itachi slowly turned his head towards the other members of the Akatsuki, before getting up dusting himself off, and walking towards the hall door, twitching inconsiderably. He was stopped, when a certain someone shouted out

"How the fuck did this pussy get into the fucking Akatsuki?!" Guess who said that ¬¬.

Itachi slowly turned round and activated the infamous MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!! Hidan laughed at first, then his eyes went hollow, and he began twitching and sweating on the floor.

"Whoa…" Zetsu poked Hidan with a stick, and Hidan rolled over.

"Nice…we got a piñata, now someone fill him up with sweets or something."

"I'll do it!" Kakuzu stuffed, instead of sweets, but, MONEY into Hidan who was whining a lot along with swearing.

"Great we have a Hidan piñata, so Itachi-san wanna get first hit?" Sasori asked, holding out a blindfold and a very spiky, bloodied bat.

"Meh, sure why not," he replied taking the blindfold and EVIL bat.

"3...2...1...HIT IT!!" Itachi hit the piñata and lots of money came out, at that exact moment, EMO SONG CAME UP!!!!! Then a couple of party tunes, where although I don't know how, a whole butt load of people turned up and started dancing. Someone had managed to get Itachi to drink sake, so he was drunk beyond belief and every now and then he would spew out his most embarrassing moments, laughing at himself with other people.

"HEY, HEY YOU, YOU I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRINED, I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE!!!" Sasori sang… _**(Lol He's drunk AND doing karaoke, ahh it's nice seeing villains being stupid every once in awhile)**_

"HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!" Zetsu carried on.

Guitar solo as provided by the ever ludicrous Kisame.

"HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU I KNOW THAT U LIKE MEH!!!! NO WAY NO WAY YOU KNOW IT'S NOT A SECRET, HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU I WANT TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!" They both sang (_**XDDD)**_

Konan was in the front video taping the whole ordeal. '_BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA sweet, sweet revenge and BLACKMAIL'_ Is there no end to Konan's evilness?

Itachi was sitting in a corner, moving his head side to side, listening to the music and grinning stupidly at random girls.

A 'lady' came over to Itachi _**(NOOO EVIL HANDS OF DOOM DON'T DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO!! 'hands': BWAHAHAHAHAHA type type tyipty type 'me': Itachi is SO not gonna be happy about this)**_

"Hey ssssssexy," 'She' purred and sat on Itachi's lap _**(hey… since when did my hands have mouths? Deidara: BWAHAHAHAHAHA REVENGE UCHIHA-TEME REVENGE!!!! Me: HEY THIS IS MY STORY!!!!!!(The author has been knocked out due to one of Handsome Deidara's works of art, un, he will now continue this retarded story, yeah) **_

Itachi grinned, un, and followed the 'lady' to a secluded room, yeah. Itachi obviously didn't notice that the 'lady' had a LOT of white foundation on, un, and purple, mascara and eyeliner yeah, hee hee hee

_**(BWAHA**__**HAHAH ITACHI FEAR MY REVENGE!!! wait… WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE KNOCKED OUT UN!!! NOOOOO (Dickhead Deidara has been knocked unconscious and the story has once again gone back into the grasp of the beautiful author of this totally awesome story)**_

Cough… carrying on with MY story

They reached the room _**(Deidara and Kairi cackle evilly)**_ and proceeded to remove their clothes, soon they went onto the bed and - **THIS PART OF THE STORY HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE "PROTECT PEOPLES' MIND SMURF SQUAD, THIS IS NOT CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE SHOWN TO THE WORLD SO IT HAS BEEN REMOVED, SHREDED AND DESTORYED HAVE A NICE DAY, REMEMBER WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, SQEEUZE THEM IN SOMEONE'S EYES THEN RUN-**

_**(WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROTECT PEOPLES MIND SMURF SQUAD? FUCK YOU PIECES OF SHIT I HOPE YOU FUCKIGN DIE YOU GAY ASSED BUTT SUCKING SMURFS I HOPE YOU DIE AND CRAWL RIGHT BACK UP YOUR MOTHER'S UTERUS U PIECE OF-**_** THIS DIALOUGUE HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE 'PROTECT PEOPLES' MIND SMURF SQUAD, THIS LANGUAGE IS NOT CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE SHOWN TO THE WORLD, SO IT HAS BEEN REMOVED, SHREDED AND DESTORYED HAVE A NICE DAY, REMEMBER, COCAINE IS BAD CRACK IS NOT-**

_**(Deidara: ooooohhhhh damn it (injects Kairi**__** with chill pill liquid form) DAMN U CARRY ON WITH THE STORY )**_

Damn smurf squad... mutter mutter... anyways… Itachi woke up the next day with the BIGGEST headache EVER, and he had the GAYEST feeling ever, like his BUTT was looser _**(XDDDDD) **_He panicked and looked under his covers, he still had his pants on, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him. But that was quickly removed when he heard a loud MANLY snort next to him. Itachi sat up with a jolt, and slowly turned his head to the left, his heart smacking against his rib cage. He first saw the long black hair, and felt that same wave of relief; THAT IS until the 'lady' turned over… and revealed…' she' wasn't a GIRL!!!! Itachi crept out the bed, spazzing out every now and then (_**Deidara: OH CAN I WRITE THIS PART? CAN I CAN I PLEASE UN TT me: fine... but just don't put "un" or "yeah" at the end of like every sentence. Deidara; YAY!) **_Ok um… right, oh yeah, Itachi crept out the bed and got his clothes, he was seriously on the verge of bursting out crying like the little wuss he was, un _**(Deidara… what did I say? Deidara: not to put "un" or yeah at the end of every sentence yeah)**_ He has never spoken of that gay incident since, and was very glad that Orochimaru left the day after, although he locked himself inside his room for the next 6 months.

end flashback

_**(Great NOW I'M writing after that crappy ending you did for the flashback gawd) **_Itachi decided what happened that night was worse then what had just happened now. The babies were still crying when he had reached Konan's room. He sighed and walked in, where, surprisingly, there were white three cribs ready at one side of the room. They were all labelled with names in curvy gold lettering. 'Sakura…Naruto…Sasuke' he read in his mind. He looked at the three crying kids and guessed which name belonged to which child

"Well Sakura's a girl's name so that must mean you," He said putting the little cherry blossom in her crib with her little grey bunny rabbit.

"Hmm the next one is Naruto, great you're both boys…um….Naruto means like fishcake or something….." The blonde baby giggled at the name and the other black haired baby… strangely enough… hned…0o… and turned his head to the left.

Itachi noticed this strange behaviour and stared at the black haired baby sceptically, to his surprise the baby glared at him, seriously this BABY GLARED at ITACHI of all people ITACHI. What was scarier was that Itachi actually FLINCHED!! Itachi avoided the baby's glare and placed the laughing blonde boy in the crib next to the whimpering Sakura. Naruto huggled up closer to his little foxy plush and yawned.

"Now… yoouu…" Itachi said his voice dripping with venom as he turned towards the last glaring baby in his hands, the baby was still holding his special kunai…and it didn't seem he would let go…for a long time; Itachi snarled and very nearly chucked the glaring baby into the crib but just done what he did with the other children, he slowly placed Sasuke down head first and let him go. Itachi would damn well sit and wait until Sasuke had fallen fast asleep then grab his kunai and run.

He sat down and stared at the babies, Sasuke was still the only one awake, and he could here the faint screams of terror still coming from his room, 'Man 4 hours and SHE still had finished torturing that deluded fool, AND WHY THE FUCK HASN'T THAT BABY FALLEN ASLEEP YET???!!!' Itachi just sat calmly in his chair staring at the 3 cribs before him, hearing the steady breathing of each of the babies except… Sasuke. Itachi cursed himself, cuz he knew that he was starting to fall asleep, he could've sworn he saw baby Sasuke smirk. Itachi finally seized his moment…at 5:30…am… when Sasuke had finally asleep. Itachi's eyes were bloodshot from the fact that he had to keep staring at the now asleep Sasuke.

He stealthily crept over to Sasuke's crib and silently wrenched his kunai away from the sleeping boy's hands. However, as soon as the kunai left Sasuke's hands, his beady little black eyes shot open and stared at the man standing over his crib…with a kunai… in his hand. Sasuke clenched and unclenched his tiny little fist and noticed the kunai he had been hugging in his sleep wasn't there. Sasuke looked up and began scrunching his face up, in a menacing way. "No no, no, no don't cry for the love of all that's holy don't cry please, please, please" He whispered to Sasuke.

Yep, Itachi was right…that baby SMIRKED and GLARED at him, before letting out an ear-piercing cry, which woke up, the other 2 sleeping babies, which woke up Hidan, whose swearing woke up the rest of the Akatsuki, and alerted Konan who was still beating up a bloody Deidara.

Itachi froze, unaware of the position he was in, he just stood there over that damned crib, and 'Da-Dump, da-dump, and da-dump' He could hear Konan's EVIL footsteps colliding with his heartbeats.

(Insert Jaws Theme tune here)

Konan kicked open her door, and she had that same dark aura around her. In one hand she had a seriously bloody mush, which Itachi decided must be Deidara, from the little bit of blonde hair that was sticking out from, what he HOPED, was his head; her other hand was occupied with that same bat from the innovation party, except, if it was possible, it looked spiker, scarier, and much, much more bloodier.

It struck him, that he was still holding a kunai…over a crib…. With the crying baby… 'Shit' He nearly crapped himself, but he is an Uchiha, Uchihas, do not crap themselves. Konan registered the position Itachi was in, and the crying baby.

Just then… all hell broke lose… Poor, poor Itachi… and Deidara.

_**A moment of silence for those poor, poor, deluded fools, who are about to or have faced Konan's wrath, and her almighty bloody bat.**_

__

__

__

__

__

_**OK SILENCE OVER!! So what didja u think? I kinda liked it, except for all those damn interruptions (glares at the Protect People's Mind Smurf Squad and Deidara) Well R&R you beautiful people you! AND PUT A STOP TO THE PROTECT- **_**THIS PART OF THE DIALOGUE HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE 'PROTECT PEOPLES' MIND SMURF SQUAD, THIS IS NOT CLEAN ENOUGH TO BE SHOWN TO THE WORLD, SO IT HAS BEEN REMOVED, SHREDED AND DESTORYED HAVE A NICE DAY, REMEMBER WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE GRAPE JUICE AND LET THE WORLD WONDER HOW YOU DID IT!-**

_**Oh fuck you smurfs, ANYWAYS, I hope you liked this totally retarded chapter R&R PLEASE AND KEEP READING THIS STORY AND HIDDENLEAFSCHERRYBLOSSOMS STORY M'KAY? GD!!! XDDD HAVE A GREAT DAY ALL U NUTJOBS LIKE ME OUT THERE!!!**_


	4. Adventures in the Hospital part 1

_**A/N Hello people those **__**fucked up smurfs have ...mysteriously died, by strangling, stabs and gun shots. (Hides blue bloody knife and gun) cough... those poor poor souls, they have seen the wrath of Konan, but I am happy to say... THEY HAVE SURVIVED!!!! WOOOOO um… ok anyways…. It's kinda strange cuz I think after every 2 reviews I begin to write the next chapter, even though I should be doing my h/w lol, Well here you go you beautiful people u THE NEXT CHAPTER IN WHO THE HELL SAID BABIES WERE BUNDLES OF JOY?!!!!!!**_

_**WARNING MAJOR OOCNESS, CUTENESS AND OH THE TORTURE MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **_

_Recap_

_Konan kicked open her door and she had that same dark aura around her. In one hand she had a seriously bloody mush, which Itachi decided must be Deidara, from the little bit of blonde hair that was sticking out from, what he HOPED, was his head; her other hand was occupied with that same bat from the innovation party, except, if it was possible, it looked spikier, scarier, and much, much more bloodier._

_It struck him, that he was still holding a kunai…over a crib…. With the crying baby… 'Shit' He nearly crapped himself, but he is an Uchiha, Uchihas, do not crap themselves. Konan registered the position Itachi was in and the crying baby._

_Just then… all hell broke lose… Poor, poor Itachi… and Deidara._

Now

Itachi and Deidara had been… let's say "out of commission" for about 7 months now, although Konan does let the kids visit their "Father" and "Uncle" in hospital occasionally. During those pass 7 months, the kids have learned how to speak, (thanks to Pein's and Konan's fast guidance… and watching the ever elusive show… "Barney") but they can't exactly string a whole sentence together, but they can say what you might call 'Broken sentences.' Sasuke, much to Itachi's delight, knows how to call his "father" a dipshit, and proceeds to do so when they are at the hospital. It's funny how fast a man in a full man body cast can move when provoked, and it's entertaining as well if he should trip and land flat on his face in front of lots of people, like he has done, many many times. The kids have also learned a couple of ninja skills, kunai throwing, shuriken practise, you know the basics; they had shown this to their "ever so proud father" by aiming in between his legs. Itachi was pretty sure, that 2/3 of the time he had been hit in the place where the sun don't shine, was hit by Naruto. Deidara was laughing every time, and because Itachi was in a cast he couldn't do anything about it but glare at the blonde across the room.

"DADDY!!" 1 year old sakura called out holding her grey bunny, and running towards her 'father'. Deidara and Itachi were nearly fully healed, so they only had one broken arm and leg.

Sakura reached Itachi and jumped onto the bed excitedly and hugged his neck (insert AWWWW here please thank you)

Konan whipped out her camera (which she carries like EVERYWHERE) and took a picture of Sakura hugging Itachi to put into her mighty folder of photos.

"When will booboo's on Daddy go way….?" Sakura asked pouting that oh so cute pout. Itachi smiled and answered, wait REWIND… Itachi SMILED???!!!! Ok wtf? Has someone overdosed on his happy pill this morning? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE HOSPITAL DON'T GIVE HIM HAPPY PILLS??? (Someone throws a shoe at Author's head) "CARRY ON WITH THE STORY!!!!" hmpf... fine…

Right where was I, oh yes, Itachi smiled at the little candy floss haired girl, and answered "Soon, Sakura, Soon,"

Itachi was then hit full on by three new weights onto his chest all screaming "YAY!!!"

Itachi was soon engulfed in little hands and faces, which were all hugging him.

"Hey what about me yeah?" came a voice from the opposite side of the room.

"UNCLE DEEDRA!!" Naruto cried running over to his "Uncle". Give the kid a break, I mean Deidara is a pretty hard name to pronounce if you're one and a half. The other kids ran over to Deidara and jumped onto his bed, repeating the same actions with Itachi.

"Uncle Deedra make boom!!" Sakura said clapping her hands together happily.

"I have no clay yeah"

Sasuke pulled out a lump of clay from under his shirt.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT SASUKE???!!!" Konan yelled making her way over to the blondes, pink head and black haired people. Sasuke did what all clever babies do, grab his siblings and run.

Sasuke, being used to running away from that big "white thing" _**(Itachi in a body cast duh)**_ as he so thought it was, manoeuvred his way thorough the hospital, with his two 'siblings' following close behind, and ran through two big white double doors, and hid under a table covered in sharp things with a cloth, so no one would see them.

"Sasuke why we here? I miss daddy…" Sakura mumbled, close to tears and hugging her bunny tightly

"Mr. Flopsy scared to…" She whispered nuzzling the grey bunny softly.

"Shhh… Sakura-chan we hide from Ant Cone Cone ("Konan" they are babies they can not pronounce some words right)" Sasuke assured his 'sister' and scouting over to her and giving her a hug. (Insert AWWWWW again thank you)

Naruto scuttled over to his 'siblings' and joined the hug and checking if the coast was clear or not.

Suddenly, the big white double doors burst open, with lot's of medic nins pouring in, bringing a stretcher, with a distressed, FAT, woman who was breathing deeply, crunching the hand of a brunette haired man next to her. Her face was red and she was trying to take deep controlled breaths, the man winced when the lady squeezed his hand tighter, a sickening 'Crunch" was heard as the man turned the same red as the lady.

"Psst... look look!!" Naruto whispered pulling his 'brother's' arm. One of the medic-nins put a pointy thing (or as the babies saw it) into the lady's arm, the babies watched in awe at the scene performed before them.

"Ok Miss Ashbrook, you're going to have to push as hard as you can, on the count of 3, 1…2…3 PUSH!!" The first medic nin shouted

"NNAAHH AAARRGGGHH!!!" Ms. Ashbrook pushed and clenching the now broken hand.

"It's ok... mel-lissa… your d-doing... great…" the man next to her said between gasps of pain.

"3…2…1…PUSH!!"

"NNNAAAHHH AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" Melissa screeched

"I CAN SEE A HEAD KEEP PUSHIGN MISS!!!"

"A-ALEX... I t-think i-I'm going to d-die AAARRRRGGGGGHHH!!!"

"Ok here comes the body, MISS ONE LAST PUSH, 3…2…1… PUSH!!!!"

"NAAAAAHHHH ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The room was soon filled with the sound of a crying baby, with a thick white, red and blue STRING attached to its belly button.

"OOOOhhhh" The hiding three said in awe, quietly.

The first nurse took the baby, grabbed a pointy thing off the table where the babies were hiding, cut off the string, wrapped it up in a white cloth, cleaning the blood off, cradling it and inspecting it gender.

"Mr and Mrs Ashbrook, congratulations… You have a healthy baby boy!"

Nurses left the room, after giving the baby to his mother and leaving. The babies saw this is a good time to escape from the room.

Outside the room

"Whoa… Sasu-chan… where we go now?" Sakura asked hugging her bunny and clinging to Naruto's arm.

"Back to tou-san, uncle deedra and cone cone"

"Ne, Sasuke-chan, what was that out of lady's thingy?" Naruto asked looking at his brother for a hopeful explanation.

"Ummm… I don't know Naruto….whatever it be Cone Cone might have one too we go check now ok?"

"Hai" The two answered smiling softly at their brother.

Once again they followed Sasuke, as he manoeuvred his way through the hospital to infirmary room, where Konan was shouting angrily at "Uncle Deedra"

"WHY THE CRAP DID YOU SHOW THEM HOW TO MAKE FRIKKEN CLAY BOMBS???!!!"

"I DIDN'T UN, THEY ALWAYS ASK ME TO WHEN THEY COME HERE YEAH, SASUKE MUST HAVE FOUND HIS WAY INTO MY ROOM AND FOUND MY SPECIAL STASH UN!!!"

"WHY DID YOU SHOW THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU FING IDIOT????!!!!"

"I'M SORRY UN. DON'T HIT M-"

Deidara was interrupted when the two double doors opened and the three children ran under Konan's cloak.

Konan squeaked and blushed a deep red hue, as she lifted up her cloak.

"What are you 3 doing?" All three were looking at her abdomen and below it; Naruto and Sasuke were poking at it. Sakura was just staring, sucking her thumb.

"Ne, Aunt Cone Cone is the baby going to come out soon?"

"W-what?" Konan asked staring at the kids like they were crazy.

There was an odd silence…interrupted every now and then by Deidara's stifled laughter and Itachi's smirking.

Konan's stomach growled, the kids flinched and stepped back staring at Konan's abdomen and womb strangely. Finally Naruto spoke up.

"A-aunty Cone Cone… I-I think t-the baby is angry at u-us…"

Konan's stomach growled again.

The kids screamed and ran under Deidara's bed.

Sasuke stuck his head out and shouted

"WE SORRY BABY PLEASE DON'T HURT US!!!"

Konan sweat dropped, and Itachi and Deidara burst out laughing at the kids' innocence.

The laughter was interrupted when a very smutty looking nurse came in holding a sponge. Itachi looked on at the nurse in horror; it was _her ,_ he hissed at her clothing, a VERY short nurse's dress, which made him wonder if it was one of those dresses u get from sex shops, strappy black and red boots and a push up bra.

She cat walked, swinging her hips, over to a very horrified looking Itachi. _**(MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA)**_

She stopped and leaned forward, totally oblivious to Konan, who was giggling silently at Itachi's misfortune, and Deidara who was also laughing silently.

She was leaning forward enough, to try and make Itachi look at her totally huge chest _**(by the push up bra)**_

"Itachi-Kun," She purred sitting on the bed and leaning forward again; Itachi was backing up against the bed looking at Konan and Deidara desperately, who just stared back at him with a hint of mischief in their eyes, the kids had fallen asleep under Deidara's bed.

"It's time for your SPONGE bath," She purred again leaning slightly closer. Itachi gulped and held onto the bed's metal railing. Deidara began turning red from holding in his laughing, Konan was stuffing her fist into her mouth staring at the two trying to stop herself from bursting out laughing with Deidara.

_**(The author is cackling evilly**__** with many inners, I hope you are too readers)**_

"And you've been a-" The nurse leaned forward more, and Itachi panicked he couldn't move back anymore '_DAMN THESE LEGS DAMN THEM DX I CAN'T RUN'_

"Very-" She leans forward more

"very-" leans forward more

"Dirty-" leans forward more

"Boy!" she stops leaning forward, cuz the unfortunate Itachi's head is now in her chest. He was suffocating, everyone but the babies and nurse could tell, she just kept rubbing them in his face. She finally pulled away form a very horrified and distressed Itachi.

She finally got up and tried to get Itachi to get up, who refused and clung onto the pole childishly, clamping his teeth on it for a good measure. The nurse, whom I shall now call Ami, grabbed onto Itachi's leg, and pulled hard.

Itachi just clung closer to the pole and winced; she was pulling his newly healed leg.

Ami let go a pulled something out of her chest. It was.. the ever.. mostest..evilest…NEEDLE OF SLEEPINESS!!!!!

"Itachi-kun, don't make me get u with this pretty needle" She said pouting and squeezing some of the liquid out. Itachi became more determined and clung onto the pole like it was his life line, technically it was.

Itachi had 3 choices:

He could keep clinging to the pole, thus further embarrassing himself, and risk the chance of being drugged, bathed and his STRAIGHT virginity get forcefully taken away by Ami.

He could let go, and put up a fight when get changed, bathing himself, and other stuff… then risk being raped Ami

The last choice, let go of the pole, dodge the needle and Ami then run like shit outside the hospital as best he can (which is pretty well, considering he chases Sasuke nearly 24/7) and if he gets caught risk being raped by Ami….

TBC…

_**HELLO PPL I'm sorry this story is late, I should have put it up 2 days ago but ah, what can I do skool bite me in the arse AGAIN, well now, it seems we hav a 3 choices what should Itachi do? Write your comment, then afterwards write "Itachi should Go with plan 1,2 or 3…" then post,**_

_**Simple ne? Well I hope u enjoyed that cuz I certainly did and I am still cackling over Itachi's misfortune MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :!!! also I might put YOU, that's right YOU in the story, but you need to say who, or what you want to be, what u wanna be called, and wat you are going to do, I will choose, (along with my faithful idea giver Hiddenleafscherryblossom) which 3 are the best reviewers of this chapter shall be in it, ok? Gd : ) **_

_**This story has been Deidara-Approved, Remember Kids ART IS A BANG UN!!!**_

_**Now a little word from our sponsers:**_

"_**ZABUZA SWORD, IT CUTS THROUGH REAL RICE PAPER!!! IT'S ONLY $29.50/ £20.50 THIS SWORD IS SO AWESOME EVEN YOU CAN'T BUY IT!!! SOLD IN ALL BEST RETAIL TOY STORES NOW, CAUTION DO NOT SWING THIS SWORD AROUND 6 YEARS OLDS OR THEY WILL BECOME JEALOUS AND ATTACK, THEN STEAL YOUR SWORD, ALSO EXCLUSIVE SASUKE DEMON WIDNMILL SHURIKEN, CUTS THROUGH REAL RICE PAPER!!! Terms and conditions apply" **_

_**R&R U BEAUTIFUL PPL YOU **_


	5. Adventures in Hospital part 2

_**A/N: I'm disappointed I didn't get as much reviews as I hoped for... oh well... I SHALL MAKE UP FOR THAT OBVIOUSLY SHIT CHAPTER IN THIS NEW TOTALLY SMEXY ONE!!!!WOOOOO now… let's see what Itachi does…MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

_Recap_

_Ami let go and pulled something out of her chest. It was… the ever... mostest...evilest…NEEDLE OF SLEEPINESS!!!!!_

"_Itachi-kun, don't make me get u with this pretty needle" She said pouting and squeezing some of the liquid out. Itachi became more determined and clung onto the pole like it was his life line, technically it was._

_Itachi had 3 choices:_

_He could keep clinging to the pole, thus further embarrassing himself, and risk the chance of being drugged, bathed and his STRAIGHT virginity get forcefully taken away by Ami._

_He could let go, and put up a fight when get changed, bathing himself, and other stuff… then risk being raped Ami_

_The last choice, let go of the pole, dodge the needle and Ami then run like shit outside the hospital as best he can (which is pretty well, considering he chases Sasuke nearly 24/7) and if he gets caught risk being raped by Ami…._

_TBC…_

NOW!!!

Itachi panicked… Ami was edging ever more nearer… and nearer with that god damned needle of sleepiness. He was getting desperate and looking at his two amused companions, no TRAITORS for help. He realized that they weren't gonna help him, and looked for something sharp to defend himself with... That's when he spotted… THE WINDOW!!!! Ami was a few inches away from his arm, when he made a beeline for the window…everything was going in slow motion.

**Itachi jumps**

_DA-DUMP_

**Ami just misses his arm by a few tinsy tiny millimetres**

_DA-DUMP_

**Konan and Deidara watch Itachi jumps towards the window laughing**

_DA-DUMP_

**Ami is like "WTF???!!!" and watches Itachi (in slow mo) go for the window (HEY IT RHYMED)**

_DA-DUMP_

**Itachi is screaming in his mind "FREEDOM!!!!!"**

_DA-DUMP_

**Itachi is near the window!!!**

_DA-DUMP_

**Ami realises what's going on, and (in slow mo) begins to run after Itachi, screaming "NOOOO IIITTTTAACCCHHHIII-KKKUUUNNN COOOMMMEEE BBAAACCKKK TOOO MMMYYY AAARMMMSSS!!!!" holding her arms out showing more cleavage **

_DA-DUMP_

**ITACHI MAKES NEAR IT THE WINDOW!! HE'S MEANTALLY SCREAMIGN YES!!!**

_DA-DUMP_

**There is a loud bang **

_DA-DUMP_

**Itachi's face slides off the window...GLASS!!!!!**

…

**Moment of silence….**

_**(Back in NORMAL time)**_

Ami stopped fish faced, at the crumpled figure on the floor, who was muttering very colourful words. Konan and Deidara were dying of laughter, Deidara had rolled off the bed and didn't even notice the pain, and his side was hurting more anyways. Konan was choking because she was lacking oxygen and rolling on the ground.

There was one thing going through Itachi's mind right now "Fuck…"

He just lay there… not wanting to get up… but then he felt something brush his ASS, no not brush, GROPE his ass.

'HELL NO!!!' Itachi shot up, opened the window, and before jumping out he shouted "FUCK YOU ASSWIPES!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

(Whistling noise) SPLAT!!!! It SOUNDED like Itachi had made a lovely little 'paint" splat on the sidewalk, but he is Itachi and Furthermore... HE IS A NINJA!!!! So obviously he landed on his feet, squealed in pain and tried to run off failing miserably at the same time.

"NOOO ITACHI-KUN COME BACK!!!!" Ami jumped out the window, like Itachi, but because she was not a ninja she didn't land on her feet; instead she landed on that nasty old man that lives across your street and always yells at little kids and you for god knows what. I guess it's a kinda good thing... I mean no more, crazy old man right?

Itachi was half way down the road to "freedom" when he was rugby tackled by the big-breasted rapist. 'Damn it... so close...' He thought anime crying. "SQEEEE ITACHI-KUN!!!!" Ami... Uh…squealed… "Your virginity is MINE!!!" Ami said in a demonic voice, whilst reaching for Itachi's pants. 'NOOOOOO' Itachi couldn't move either, damn his legs, damn that cast, damn Konan and DAMN THAT OVER BREAST-SIZED HORNY NURSE!!!!! Then his saviour came… in the form of a little old lady with a powerful bag!!!!

The little old lady screeched and whacked Ami multiple times with her almighty bag of DOOOOOOM!!!! "YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS!!! DOING SUCH THINGS IN PUBLIC WHY I OUTTA-"The lady stopped cuz her teeth fell out, so she slowly bent down to pick it up. After licking her lips and teeth to check they were securely in place, she resumed hitting Ami. "WHY I OUTTA SMACK YOU TILL YOU ROLL OVER AND DIE!!!" She screeched. Ami rolled off Itachi, twitching in pain and Itachi took this time to get up off the ground; and hug the old lady _**(OOCNESS GALORE!!!!) **_repeating over and over again "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU"and ran… kinda back to his hospital room.

_**MEANWHILE**_

Konan and Deidara were on the brink of death as they watched the whole scene play by; Itachi, the old lady and Ami, ah good times… good times. The babies were woken up by the crude words of Itachi.

Naruto poked his head out from under Deidara's bed, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He looked at the laughing adults, and stuck his head back under the bed. He nudged his siblings' sides, to wake them up. Sakura woke up first and hugged Naruto _**(babies' way of saying good morning X3 KAWAII at least, that's how my little brother says 'Good Morning)**_ who hugged her back, smiling. Sasuke woke up and poked his head out form under the bed, before climbing out, pulling his siblings along and staring at the two laughing adults. They quietly walked up to Deidara and Konan, tugging lightly on their cloaks.

"Cone Cone where Daddy?" Naruto asked, cocking his head to the side, in that cute babyish way; the other two followed the same motion. Konan stopped laughing and scooped up the three babies.

"WEEEEE!!" Sakura giggled, waving her tiny arms in the air. Konan smiled and ruffled Sakura's hair, and showed the kids the window. They peered out at the strange scene unfolding.

"Ne Ne, Aunt Cone cone, why dad being hugged by lady?" Sasuke asked, tugging Konan's sleeve. Konan looked at Sasuke smiling evilly, and replied "Because the nice lady LOOVVVVEES daddy" The kids watched in awe as they saw Itachi run back into hospital.

"Yeah, and your daddy LOOOVVVEEESS older people un" Deidara said getting up (_**Dei's arm is the only thing broken on his body now). **_Naruto was humming the "Barney Love Song" whilst staring absentmindedly out the window. Itachi came back into the room, looking… dishevelled and freaked out on SOOOO many levels, his hair was like sticking out everywhere, his clothes were dirty and his pants, were slipping off, probably when Ami snapped the elastic in the pants band. "I…hate…you…all" He stated between gasps before passing out onto the floor.

The babies wriggled out of Konan's arms and crawled over to the ninja mass on the floor. Naruto got a stick and poked Itachi's side, Itachi rolled over and groaned, Naruto just cocked his head to the side and pouted "Daddy why you sleepy time now?" Itachi just patted Naruto's head, smiled and went back to "sleepy time".

Sakura had some how managed to wriggle out of the room and came back with a small white and black kitty . It was such a cute little kitty, it had soft black fur and tiny white paws with a little white star on its forehead. Sakura petted the little kitten lovingly on the head. She introduced the little kitty to her Mr. Flopsy _**(her grey bunny) **_the kitten mewed, and kinda "pawed" Mr. Flopsy's paw. Sakura cuddled it and put it in her pouch of a dress; she made, by holding up her dress a bit to make a sort of pocket. It rolled around comfortably in her little pouch.

Sasuke noticed the little kitten and began eyeing it strangely; he walked over to Sakura and looked at the kitty, prodding it with his thumb. It rolled over and stared at Sasuke with big black eyes; Sakura cooed over it and picked it up, rubbing noses. Sasuke huffed and walked towards Itachi sitting next to him, and trying to sleep. Konan watched the mini scene with mild interest _' Little Sasuke-kun seems jealous' Naruto_ petted the kitten too, Naruto likes anything that's furry except llamas… (Shifty eyes) Konan kneeled down and smiled.

"Awww you have kitty Sakura-chan, isn't she cute? Do u want to keep her?"

Naruto and Sakura nodded the heads vigorously whilst Sasuke 'tched' and faced away from the 3, snuggling more into his father's body and pulling Itachi's arm round him like a cover. Itachi snorted a bit and used his free hand to rub his nose and unconsciously pull Sasuke closer. Sasuke squeaked in surprise and attempted to lift up Itachi's arm, failing miserably. He sat back underneath the heavy crushing arm, and whimpered, sniffled, scrunched up his face and began doing wat all babies do best: cry.

Deidara was closest, so he got up and removed Sasuke's little body from the death grip of Itachi's mighty arm!!! _**(XD) **_Deidara was holding the still crying Sasuke patting his back, and mouthing to Konan 'WHAT DO I DO???" Sakura looked at Konan, then Deidara and then the crying baby Sasuke's body. She took the little black kitten and gave it to Konan. Grabbed Naruto's hand and began crawling towards Deidara and Sasuke.

Deidara put Sasuke on the bed and pulled out a little puppet and began fiddling around with it, making it do weird dances

_Somewhere far far away_

" 199…200…202 wait…WAT THE CRAP?WAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE-…Deidara…" Sasori glared at his partner's side of the room. "Fine.. if he's gonna steal my stuff I'll give a surprise…" He formed some handsigns and said kai…

_Back at The hospital_

The kids were talking in baby language, comforting Sasuke with hugs and kisses (AWWW) and 'Deidara's' puppet had stopped dancing. "What the crap un…" suddenly the puppet turned round to Deidara, and Sasori's voice came out…

"This puppet will self destruct in 5…4…3…2"

Konan stared at the puppet like 0o

Itachi snored

The kids kept on talking

Deidara just mumbled "shit…"

LE BOOOOM!!!!

_**A/N: omfg the hospital blew up!!! Tsk tsk.. it just goes to show that messing with Sasori's puppets is NOT a good idea.. seriously I can see you.. put that puppet down now! Well we'll find out what happens to the kids and co in the next chappie!!! BWAAHAHAHAHAHA XD (psst I have writer's block HELP MEEE!!!) PLUS I HAV 1 MORE SPACE LEFT FOR OC'S IN THIS STORY IF U WANNA BE IN IT TYPE WHO/ YOU WANNABE WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO AND NAME PLZ!!! Don't worry and dark-fairy 12 I'll give you more screentime in the sotry, hell I'll dedicate ea whoel chapter to you guys WHEN you appear in the story ok? KEEP READING PLLLEEEAAASSEEE R&R AND YOU GET TO PET MY WONDERFUL AKATSUKI GIRAFFE!!!!**_


	6. Baby got gun LOLZ

_**OMFG MY COMPUTER… SHE LIVES!!!! PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY FORCES!!! WOOOOO PARTY CELEABRATION NOW COME ON DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO JUST FROR THIS SPECIAL OCCASION I'M GONNA UPDATE 2 CHAPTERS IN 4 DAYS WOOOT WOOT XDD (gets hit in the head with shoe) WHO THE FUDGE KEEPS DOING THAT???!!! DAMN IT CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO DANCE!!!??? (Gets hit in the head with a cinderblock) OK I'LL WRITE DAMN YOU I'LL WRITE!!!! REMEMBER VIVA LA PANDA REVOULOTION!!!!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto, if I did I would use my brainwashed Naruto Zombie fans to TAKE OVER THE WORLD MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and Sasuke would die a slow painful death with Sakura giving birth to twins BWAHAHAHAHAHAH…uh...cough anyways**_

OH NOES THE HOSPITAL BLEW UP!!!! But... what's this? THE HEROES, I mean VILLIANS ARE SAFE? Who or What saved them? It was... DRUMROLL BRAINSWASHED ZOMBIES OF MIEN!!!!! Dun dun dun dun... WHITESTAR!!!! YUP that cute little kitty grew into a BIG kitty (lady liberty size) and swallowed up the group; although Deidara's arm was caught on her canine teeth and ripped off with the sound of "NOOO RIGHTY UN!!!!!! GOD DAMN IT THAT'S THE THRID ARM THIS WEEK!!!!!"

and the long pregnant silence as Whitestar picked at the remains of Deidara's hand with her claw.

After 5 Long hours of grooming her self thoroughly she hacked out a hairpersonball, consisting of black fur, stomach acids, saliva and the heroes/villains of this story.

Ah Whitestar sure is a useful ninja kitty isn't she? Yes she is :D

Well anyways, Whitestar licked her paw, before 'poofing' back into travel-size Whitestar YAY, and casually walked over to the slobbery and dazed group, mewing and cocking her head to the side questioningly. The kids bawled loudly, wriggling, screeching and balling up their little fists. Deidara was no help, he was crying tidal waves over 'Righty' and holding his decapitated arm; tch almost as bad as the mortified children (_**tutting and nodding head in shame**_) Itachi sat up, yawned, walked past Whitestar glaring daggers and picked up Sasuke. Sasuke hiccupped and whimpered as he calmed down, with Itachi patting his back lightly walking in small circles. Konan picked up Naruto copying the same motion, Naruto sniffled and wiped his nose (_**AWWW**_) Sakura and Deidara were still crying, Konan and Itachi glared at the blonde haired guy-girl, then Itachi kicked him and picked up Sakura. Deidara moaned and rolled on his side, Sakura kept squirming and crying, so she kicked sleepy Sasuke who began crying.

Itachi twitched and glared at the sulking guy-girl behind him, his onyx eyes switched to sharingan out of pure anger for Deidara. Deidara flinched and took a few million steps backwards. Konan ignored them both and looked at Naruto smiling like always and playing with her finger. White star was sitting on Deidara's shoulder, swishing her tail in front of his nose regularly, making him sneeze repeatedly, which is ironic because at the exact same time, 3 people were cursing him _**(go on take a guess I'll give cookies to people who guess it right 8D)**_

Because Sakura and Sasuke were BOTH crying, Itachi was forced to stop and calm down the two miserable children. Sakura stopped crying and began a different activity, in which she had found mild interest in; pulling Itachi's face into interesting shapes. She pushed his cheeks together which made him look like a chipmunk, Sasuke decided to help as well, by pulling Itachi's bottom lip. Deidara looked back at Itachi and the kids snickering, he pulled on Konan's cloak, and she turned around angrily, which was replaced by a look of amusement.

Itachi looked seriously pissed, and his hands were occupied, afterall he couldn't just drop the children, it would just make them cry… again. Sakura pulled an ear and his eye down, Sasuke pulled his cheeks, now he looked like a Micheal Jackson surgery gone bad…well worst anyways.

A little mini Itachi, in a mini devil suit holding a pitch fork, poofed onto his left shoulder. The chibi Itachi grinned showing sharp little fangs, and leaned against big Itachi's ear, checking his nails. "drop the little buggers" Chibi devil Itachi said "They are a nuisance and a burden" Itachi contemplated over the choice, and then "POOF" another chibi Itachi appeared. This time the new chibi Itachi was wearing a white robe, had chibi angel wings and a halo, and sitting quite comfortably on his right shoulder. "NO don't drop them," he began "they are human beings too, and they are children" Chibi devil Itachi poofed again, and this time appeared sitting on top of chibi angel Itachi. "HA," chibi devil began "they are ruining your criminal image by pulling your face apart slowly. Drop them let them cry, they need to know the world isn't all roses and rainbows, plus… is that MUD in your, I'm sorry OUR, BEAUTIFUL hair?" Angel Itachi squirmed underneath devil Itachi, before poofing away again, reappearing holding Devil Itachi in a headlock. "Go ahead," started angel Itachi, rubbing devil Itachi's head with his knuckles, "Drop them, go ahead nothing bad will happen" Itachi inwardly grinned, and began to slacken his grip on the kids; his left cheek was stretched 5 cm longer by Sasuke, his eyelid pulled up by Sakura. Just as Itachi was about to let go of the tiresome two, angel Itachi spoke up again, punching devil Itachi in the face "Remember Konan is watching you" The chibi's poofed away again, and Itachi's face darkened.

He carried on Walking, as they carried on pulling his face apart. Itachi glared many sharp things at Konan's head and the group continued the walk in silence.

**3 WEEKS LATER**

Today was… THURSDAY!!! And you know what that means.. ok maybe you don't but anyways, it's……AKATSUKI STRIP POKER NIGHT!!!!! INCLUDING ITACHI, DEIDARA, SASORI AND KONAN!!!!! ( fanboys, gay fanboys and hyperactive fangirls start squealing and giggling) due to the fact that the children are to young to participate in such activities, someone had to take care of the little munchkins, and this week it was….. HIDAN'S TURN!!!!(hidan fangirls and gay fanboys sulk off)

Sasuke had fallen asleep, and Naruto was fiddling intently with Whitestar's tail who purred happily and flicked it back and forth before disappearing through a hole in the wall. Sakura watch and carried on clinging to hidan's trailing cloak and hold Naruto's hand. Unfortunatley she clung to hard and Hidan: "OW FUCKING HELL WHY THE FUCK DO U HAVE SUCH FUCKING SHARP FINGER NAILS YOU'RE A DAMN BABY DAMN IT!!!!!" Sakura, startled, let go of the cloak and looked up at the pissed adult/man/immortal, her bottom lip trembling and her emerald eyes glossed over with tears that have yet to be shed. She clutched her hands to her chest protectively and took in a big breath. Hidan looked at Sakura "oh…hell…no" She done what she did best. CRY OUT LOUD that's right she COL. Konan came running down in her trousers and bra, bare foot too (Konan fanboys start nosebleeding) Konan bent down and picked up Sakura, who placed her head on Konan's chest. Konan glared at Hidan coldly

"Damn it can't you try to escort the kids to your room without swearing ONCE?" Hidan mumbled something under his breath and nodded. Konan put Sakura down and gave a short kiss on the head for the three toddlers and trudged back to the living room giving Hidan the I'M WATCHING YOU SIGN. White star came holding a small black object, Naruto smiled and took it from the kitty, and stuffed in his pants **(NOT THE CAT U IDIOTS) **White star nudged forward a brown and white speckled puppy who was panting. Naruto patted the puppy's head and followed after a very miffed Hidan , shuffling along weirdly.

Hidan flung open his door, put Sleeping Sasuke on his bed, and began to proceed taking off the naked and half- naked pictures of girls… and porno…cough (PERVERT) off his walls.

"AHHHH SASORI NO DANNA HAS NO D-" THWACK Tobi's voice came from the living room, then a long silence.

**MEANWHILE IN THE LIVING ROOM AREAR**

The whole akatsuki group stared at the crumpled orange and black mass on the floor, and then turned their attention to Sasori. "

What," he said grumpily "I'm a fucking puppet thing what do you expect?" Deidara grinned and looked at Sasori, he was the only fully dressed member there, "Correction Danna, you not gonna be doing any fucking with that are you un?" The whole group laughed as Sasori gave Deidara the finger. Deidara placed down his hand "Straight Aces!" **(Is that a poker move I swear it's something like that) **The group swore loudly and began removing parts of their clothes, Pein trousers, Konan Trousers, ItachiShirt, SasoriARM LOL, Kakuzu shirt, Zetsu was still trying to take off his cloak, Kisame Headband **(he is know sitting in his fishy boxers XD) **They drew a new hand and were about to play when they heard a loud BANG

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING SHOT ME? YOU LITTLE RETARD HOW DID YOU GET A DAMN GUN?" Everyone sweatdropped

_**WOOT FINALLY FINISHED!!!! LOL I can't believe you guys still like this story I love you all so much you make this 12 yr old feel so awesome (sniff) YAY COOKIES FOR ALL MY SMEXY REVIEWERS well it seems that the spaces for charcters in the sotry have been taken, sorry if this is really short but I had writers block. DEATH NOTE IS AWESOEM WOOT R&R REMEMBER SMURFS ARE EVIL LITTLE FUCKERS and yes it's a bit obvious I kinda perverted BLAME IT ON MY FRIENDS LOL XDD**__** WHAT THE HELL I COULDN'T LOG IN DAMN IT**_


	7. uh no name

_**OMFG YOU PPL STILL LOVE MEH? YAY!!! X3 well... I have some good news... and I got some bad news… ok the bad news is... even though my computer is working, my login is NOT so I can't post stories at home anymore. THE GOOD NEWS IS I can do it school until I can figure out what retardiness happened to my computer login. Other then that WOOT I LOVE U ALL AND YES I AM A BIT OF A PERV AS SHOWN IN THE LAST CHAPTER XDDD well for some spastic reason I feel stoned YAY BEIGN STONED IS GOOD GOOD NWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH (gets hit in the head with brick) YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA HUNT DOWN THAT GAY PERSON WHO KEEPS THROWING STUFF AT MY HEAD!!! Oh anyways (clicks gun) I need HELP aims gun at head I WILL SHOOT IF I DON''T GET ANY IDEAS!!! OH SO NO ONE IS GIVIGN ME IDEAS HA WELL TAKTHIS WISE GUYS (triggers gun)**_

…

_**HA I AM SUCCESSFUL ELMO IS DEAD BWAHAHAHAHAHA now... ONTO MY SPAZ OF A STORY!**_

Due to Hidan's little "predicament", the group had to postpone their game, and get changed (fan girls and fan boys sigh and walk away to emo corner_** (DAMN IT THAT'S MY EMO CORNER ) **_to discuss Naruto's punishment. The whole group was sitting around Naruto, who would have been put in chains, but since there wasn't a size big enough for him, they put him in the big chair. Naruto giggled innocently, and Hidan muttered something along the lines of "Face of evil" Pein was about say something when there was a loud crash coming from the west door.

IN CAME uh... let's call the doggy spots! SPOTS!!!! FOLLOWED BY A VERY ANGRY WHITESTAR!

The doggy skidded and jumped onto the table. The kitty meowed loudly translated it meant: "YOU BASTARD HOW DARE YOU CHEAT IN GO FISH U DID HAVE AN ACE!!!!" Spots ran past Naruto, Who instinctively grabbed onto her tail and has whisked out of the chair. He landed on Spots back and was raced out the room.

……

The Akatsuki just stared. Sasori grinned at look at the direction that Naruto had just gone in "Kick. Fucking. Ass"

Pein sighed and stood up and walked off but not before stating "That boy will be so good at escaping tight spots... I need some anti- depressants a strong coffee…god…" Konan squealed and clapped happily "that's my boy!" she screeched running after Naruto.

Tobi was silent for a long time… until… "THAT WAS SO AWESOME!!!!! DUDE WE SHOULD SIGN UP THAT KID AS A REPLACEMENT FOR WEE MAN ON JACKASS LOLZ!!!!" Tobi ran out after Naruto as well. The rest watched Tobi leave and just sat in silence.

Deidara looked up after awhile "what just happened?" Everyone stared at Deidara and got up shaking their head and rubbing their foreheads.

Well after that rather interesting episode, the Akatsuki carried on with their dreary lives, now seeing more creepy things everyday, well creepier.

For Instance, one night Itachi decided he needed to go to the toilet. He got up, stretched, yawned and began walking to the bathroom scratching his backside absentmindly. The bathroom light was on, so he waited patiently. 12 minutes later, the door opened "About frikken time-"Whitestar walked out, looked at Itachi and carried on walking. Itachi had a 'WTF?' look on his face. He was about to enter the bathroom when it closed on his face. He swore loudly. 20 minutes later the door opened again "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you constipated or some-"Spots walked out, with a newspaper in her mouth and toilet paper stuck to her foot, so it was trailing behind her like a second tail. Itachi gave another 'WTF?' look and forgot why he was there in the first place. He went to the kitchen and had a long cup of water. Big mistake… You smart people can guess what happened in the middle of the night.

Itachi woke up in his bed all wet. Damn Kisame and his water gun (_**XDDD GOT YA**_)

Another time was when Deidara wanted a sandwich in the middle of the night. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a can of mountain dew. He heard a sizzling noise. Spots was balancing on top of Whitestar, and was currently putting pancake batter onto a pan. The animals flipped up in the air and changed positions so that Whitestar could flip the pancake. She flipped the pancake and once again switched position with Spots, who poured more pancake batter into the pan. Deidara stopped midway through his drink and stared at the animals little routine. Before he took another sip he blinked. The animals were gone. He looked at the mountain dew strangely and carried on sipping. He blinked again and saw the animals making a sandwich, when they had finished Spots took the plate that the sandwich was on, padded over to Deidara and placed it on the counter in front of him. Spots walked off backwards and her eyes disappeared, Whitestar followed suite, except her eyes were glowing which creeped the hell outta Deidara.

5 minutes of staring into nothingness, he chucked his mountain dew in the bin. "There is no way in hell am I drinking that again" and began munching on his sandwich.

Yes, things got creepier then usual in the Akatsuki household. After a couple months the kids had officially turned 2 (The Akatsuki decided they would base their birthdays on the same day they were found 20th may _**SMART PEOPLE WILL FIGURE OUT HOW I CAME TO THIS NUMBER, FIGURE IT OUT AND I'LL MAKE YOU ONE OF THE MAIN CHARCTERS IN THIS STORY, AND ADD £50 TO YOUR ACCOUNT**_) and had learned to walk, talk, strut (courtesy of Naruto) and half swear (_**Tsk tsk Sasuke.)**_ Much to the Akatsuki's pleasure they had became smarter as well.

They were now standing on top of each other's shoulders, in this order from the bottom, Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura, who was currently stretching over, tongue bite in concentration, to the cookie jar. She gingerly pulled out a gingerbread man, that had… red eyes and black icing hair, she passed it down to Sasuke, who held it in his mouth. She began fishing around for more cookies, the baby tower wobbled a bit as Sasuke attempted to chomp off the gingerbread's head. "Ne Sakura-chan hurry up! I don't think Sasuke-chan can take it any longer" Naruto said.

Sasuke grunted and glared at Naruto. "Hai, Hai" Sakura said hurriedly, pulling out a gingerbread that had an orange swirl mask on its face and black hair. Naruto used his overly large canine teeth to grip onto its arm. Sakura had begun fishing around for her cookie, and was just about to pull her one out, when Deidara's loud voice was heard at the entrance to the kitchen. This startled Sasuke, who on natural instinct got ready to run, pulling down the rest of the tower with him. Sakura's hand was still in the cookie jar, as a result the cookie jar fell down, smashing, and bringing poor little Sakura down as well.

Sakura pulled her hand out from the mess and looked at it, eyes blurred from tears; it was fixed with little bits of pottery in it. She screamed and wailed loudly, scaring Naruto and Sasuke, who looked uncomfortably at their cookie, and ran behind the sofa.

"SHUT THE FUCK SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYOING TO PRAY HERE!!!"

"HIDAN SHUT UP I'M COUNTING MONEY!!!"

"UP YOURS!!!! TENTACLE RAPIST!!!"

Deidara came running, he skidded and slammed into a wall _**(Konan is on a mission and Itachi is on a mission with Kisame)**_ He moaned and looked at the squealing Sakura, noticing her hand. Sasori came in shortly afterwards, staring blankly at Sakura's bleeding hand. He went back out the room and came back with a small black case.

"Deidara, stop staring like a lemming, pick her up and put her on the table." He said annoyed. Sakura kicked and squealed as Deidara attempted to lift her up. Deidara finally managed to get her on the table. She was still crying though, but not as much. Sasori grabbed her injured hand, and slowly began plucking out the little bits of pottery with tweezers from the little black case. Sakura wailed loudly as each piece was taken out. Deidara was sitting by watching and the two boys emerged from their hiding place, sucking on their cookie's head. Sasori looked at the antiseptic unsurely and then looked back at Sakura's tear-stained face; she was sniffling and rubbing her eye. He looked over to Deidara, and motioned for him to come closer and whispered something into his ear. Deidara looked at Sasori like he was crazy. Sasori glared a glare that said "DO-IT-OR-ELSE-I-WILL-THROW-OUT-ALL-YOUR-HENTAI-MAGAZINES" Deidara groaned and left the room. Sakura was joined by Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasuke was still munching his cookie, Naruto was offering his half eaten cookie to Sakura, with which she accepted gratefully, breaking an off arm for Naruto. Sasori watched with mild interest then Deidara came in with two sock puppets on his hands. He held up the 2 puppets behind Sasori's head and began doing the POTTERPUPPETPALS WIZARD SWEARS!!! WOOT (_**type it in on Youtube to watch I'm just doing the script, sorry if it might ruin it BUT IT'S REALLY FUNNY WATCH IT!!!!") **_And began to do the short play, whilst 2 kage bunshin had the other puppets on their hands.

_Harry: GUYS Dumbledore posted a list of words that are banned from Hogwarts, I didn't know wizards had swears_

_Hermione: (Deidara's high-pitched voice LOL) Of course we do Harry, they're called Wizard Swears_

_Ron: OH like Cauldron Bum!_

_Harry: Really? That's adorable_

_Hermione: No, there are worst then that, read them Harry_

_Harry: now let's see here, son of a banshee, that's useful…._

_Hermione: Swish and Flicker! That's my favourite_

_Snape: AH AHEM Do my ears detect foul mouthedness?_

_Hermione: Oh No Professor Snape we were just-_

_Harry: VOLDEMORT'S NIPPLE_

_(WATCH THE PLAY YOURSELVES IF YOU WANT MORE!!!!)_

By now Sakura had stopped sniffling and paid attention to the stupid puppets behind Sasori's head, while he dabbed the cuts with the antiseptic. The other 2 boys watched as well, Naruto clapped and began shouting "Voldermort's Nipple" over and over again. Sasori put a bright pink bandage on Sakura's hand, and began putting the kit away. He got up, put the case back in it's place and gave the kids small chocolate chip cookies. "Thank you Sasori no Danna" They said at the same time. Sasori smiled and retreated back to his room.

Deidara was still doing the Puppet show; the kids had picked up some interesting words. Sasuke's favourite was "Hagwid's Buttcwack" Naruto's was "VOLDERMORT'S NIPPLE" finally Sakura liked "Caludron Bum."

Konan walked in and placed some food on the table, in her other hand she had a body, which she dragged to her room and came out with a huge smile on her face The kids stood in front of her and bowed "Domo Konan-san" They said in unison. Ahh... The sweet sweet deceptiveness of innocence. The kids ran outside as Konan went to cook food.

They ran up into a tree and sat on the top branch, covered completely by the leaves; Sasuke pulled out a piece of paper from his pants and spread it out on the branch. On it was a complete map of the Akatsuki hideout, and different annotations in baby language (_**WOOT BABY LANGUAGE**_) Sasuke looked up at his siblings. "Sakura? Have you got them?" Sakura held out her dress pockets, which were full of worms, mud and a squid, "Naruto?" Naruto jumped down from the tree and jumped back up with his foxy grin and a bag full of spiders, another bag filled with dead fake sharks, weed killer, face paint and candy. Sasuke thoroughly inspected the load and smirked.

_**ON NOES WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY PLANNING WHO KNOWS WHAT HORRORS THEY'LL RELIEVE ON THE AKATSUKI (I do) take a wild guess OH ON AVERAGE I THINK I GET LIKE 6 REVIEWS PER CHAPTER… YAY!!! X3 well I think I need more ideas, cuz I got braindead duuuuuhhhh…. WLEL ANYWAYS HIDEENLEAF WHEN ARE U GONNA WRITE MORE CHAPTERS ??? R&R AND THE AKATSUKI GIRAFFE WILL GIVE U RIDES!!! YAY!!! R&R MOOOOOO COWS GO QUACK WHAT THE CRAP? I STILL CAN'T LOG IN DAMN IT ARRRGHGGHHHH**_


	8. ITACHI THE ITACHI

_**GAH I can't sign in on my account…. WHY GOD WHYYY????!!!!!!! (Sighs) oh well the good news is I'm still writing! And I think I'll be posting more up to date cuz I can go on my friend's computer, if he lets me (bastard computer nerd) well anyways WOOO HOOO!!!! God that was random, for once in my life, I have nothing to say to you guys……oh wait, I can feel something coming, it's it's GIRLS DON'T TAKE LONG TO GET DRESSED, GUYS ARE JUST INSANELY FAST!!!! Ok I'm done right…uhhhh ONWARDS TO RANDOMNESS!!! (Standing on rock, with sword and armour pointing towards the sunset)**_

_Recap_

_They ran up into a tree and sat on the top branch, covered completely by the leaves; Sasuke pulled out a piece of paper from his pants and spread it out on the branch. On it was a complete map of the Akatsuki hideout, and different annotations in baby language (__**WOOT BABY LANGUAGE**__) Sasuke looked up at his siblings. "Sakura? Have you got them?" Sakura held out her dress pockets, which were full of worms, mud and a squid, "Naruto?" Naruto jumped down from the tree and jumped back up with his foxy grin and a bag full of spiders, another bag filled with dead fake sharks, weed killer, face paint and candy. Sasuke thoroughly inspected the load and smirked._

The kids climbed through an open window near the top of the Akatsuki HQ and proceeded to everyone's rooms. Sasuke took the bag full of spiders and hid in Itachi's room, in his closet. Naruto and Sakura grinned at each other as they set about putting up traps and mechanisms.

Sakura took the squid into the Akatsuki bathroom no 4 and carefully squeezed it. It squeezed out some ink, which was then poured into a bottle of "Head and Shoulders" shampoo. _**(I KNOW SQUIDS DON'T SQUIRT INK BUT I DON'T CARE)**_ She tucked the squid back into her pouch-pocket and ran out the door with Naruto, but not before cleaning up some spilled ink. She followed Naruto to Zetsu's room, where they set up a mechanism connected to the door. Naruto got some ninja strings _**(you know like those things that are attached to Kunai and Shuriken, so when they throw it, they can manoeuvre it round and shit?) **_and tied it to the door knob, then Sakuar stood on his shoulders and put the weed killer near the hinge of the door, so it could spray and not be seen, when the door knob opened.

Sakura jumped down and started clicking her tongue 3 times. After about a minute and a half, Whitestar came running down the hall way, in the form of a blue/black cheetah cub. She stopped and sat down in front of Sakura, who patted her head gently and climbed on Whitestar's back. Naruto whistled a very high pitched tune that only canines could hear. There was a soft padding before Naruto got tackled by a brown and white blur. Sakura giggled as she watched Naruto and spots wrestle playfully on the floor. After the short period of play fighting, Naruto got on top of Spots and both animals began to run with their respective owners' riding them, to Hidan's and Kakazu's room. Neither of the 3 really liked Hidan, so Sakura dumped the mud and worms in Hidan's bed, cloak and praying chambers. Kakazu was a different matter though; he was ok in their opinion so, they made a mechanism that would splash permanent paint over all the notes and receipts, rendering their value, worthless and just huge mounds of paper with pretty pictures and numbers on them. THIS is the kids being NICE I mean come on.

The finally came to Pein-sama's room and Konan's room. Naruto placed a pink handmade card on Konan's bed and Sakura put a small cake next to it. The moved over to Pain's side of the room and got out the paint… I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened.

**MEANWHILE! WITH SASUKE!!!**

Sasuke waited patiently in the closet, he heard the soft padding on the floor and grinned. 'This means they are nearly finished' he thought. He quickly snuck out of the closet and ran into Sasori's room, hiding behind a large puppet. Sasori was currently fixing one of his puppets' arms. He quickly looked up and thought he saw a blue thing flash past him. A few minutes staring at nothing, Sasori carried on with his work. Sasuke put a time released clock on a jar of termites he had gotten, and put it in the backside of the huge, turtle like puppet in front of him. Sasuke snuck out and back into the hallway, where he was to meet his other 2 siblings.

Sakura and Naruto came riding back into the main hallway where Sasuke was waiting for them. Sasuke whipped out a list of the Akatsuki names and began ticking of the names as he read them out. They didn't do anything to Tobi, because Tobi is awesome! And they didn't do anything to Konan because Konan is actually nice to them and it's her NONE-BIRTHDAY YAY!!!! Sasuke nodded and adjusted the spider filled bag over Itachi's bed.

"KIDS!!! DINNER IS READY!!" Konan literally screamed. The terrible threesome ran to the kitchen. Deidara followed after them and yelled in protest at Konan "HOW COME I GOT NOTHING??!!!"

Konan shouted back at him "YOU'RE AN ADULT! MAKE YOUR OWN GODDAMNED FOOD!!!"

Then Deidara shouted some more "YEAH BUT I'M KID AT HEART!!! BESIDES YOU'RE A WOMAN!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE FOOD FOR ME!!!"

Naruto innocently sucked in his spaghetti, making it flick everywhere round his mouth. Sasuke and Sakura watched the current shouting fight in front of them. Naruto was the first one to notice the dark formidable aura around Konan and grabbed his siblings' arms and ran behind the couch. Sakura squeaked in surprise.

It took some time for Deidara to realize that he was dead, no dead is too nice of a word. Konan looked Deidara full on in the eye; he didn't fail to notice evil homicidal glint in her eye. "So, Deidara," she began taking a step forward towards the dead man, who gulped and stepped back. "Have you met my friend?" she asked taking another step forward, putting her hand next to her kunai pouch, Deidara gulped again "n-no.." he said in a low squeaky voice.

"Oh I'm pretty sure you have, his name is MR. BAT MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Konan yelled manically and pulled out the evil bat of doom proceeding to recreate episode 2 in the Akatsuki household again.

The 3 watched in interest and didn't even notice the rest of the Akatsuki walk through the front door/boulder. Kisame was supporting a very drunk looking Itachi, who was muttering something about strippers. _**(XDDDD IT WAS TOO FUNNY!!! RESISTANCE WAS FUTILE)**_ Hidan was covered in blood and giggling a lot. Kakazu was constantly slapping his forehead as he looked at his drunk beyond belief partner. The children suddenly found the idiotic Akatsuki group more interesting. Kisame dumped Itachi on the sofa and retreated back to his room. Itachi rolled over and fell off landing on Naruto. Naruto screeched and bit Itachi's leg.

"OW F--- MY LEG!!" he jumped up and clutched his bleeding leg. Naruto's demon teeth retreated back into his gums. Itachi was hopping like a bunny and tripped over the sofa, hitting his head, hard. "OW MOTHERF---ING PIECE OF S--- SOFA I HOPE YOU F---ING DIE AND GET RAPED BY OROCHIMARU YOU FAGGOT GAY PIECE OF GAY CRAP I HOPE YOUR MOTHERF---ING CAT EATS YOU!!!" Sasuke looked up at the swearing fool and cocked his head to the side.

"What is f--- otou-san?" everyone in the room froze and looked at Sasuke. Itachi gapped like a fish for a minute and grinned a sheepish grin and ran into his room, where he saw a crying Kisame hugging an inflated shark. 'Ok…' he made a run jump and step onto his bed. BIG MISTAKE. The bag of spiders fell on him instantly.

His screaming could be heard through out the entire Akatsuki base. Kisame was too distracted by the 'dead' sharks to notice the destructive battle between Itachi and the spider filled bag.

"AHHH WHAT THE HELL WHY WONT YOU EVIL FRIKKEN SPIDERS DIE MANGEKYO SHARINGAN DAMN IT MANGEKYO!!! ARRRGHHHH WHY WONT YOU DIE!!!????" That is one hell of a bag… uh… oh right! Sasuke watched and grinned evilly, as did his siblings who were behind him. Kisame noticed the grin and looked a little scared.

Naruto done some handsigns behind his back and whispered "**Ikimono** **jinsei** **kai: Itachi henge no Jutsu!"** There was a loud poof from inside the bag and then silence. Sasuke started counting off in his head '5…4…3…2 and-"7 simultaneous cries of anguish and surprise and small squeaking sounds from the bag.

"**MY PUPPETS!!!" **

"**MY EYES THEY BURN" **

"**MY ROOM WHAT THE HELL?" **

"**OHH CAKE!!!" **

"**TOBI FOUND A PENNY YAY!"**

"**OMFG MY MONEY TOBI GIVE ME YOUR PENNY OR ELSE WAAAHHHH WHY?" **

"**H****OLY MOTHERF---ING JASHIN THERE ARE WORMS AND S--- EVERYWHERE OMG MY SCYTHE!!! SCYTHIE!!!"**

and then in Itachi's case "**SQUEAK!!"**

Sakura giggled, which turned into snorting which then turned into a freaky maniacal laugh. Kisame started get seriously freaked out and crawled over to the bag with spiders in it and Itachi. He opened it gingerly "Itachi… your kids are scari-AAAHHHHHHHH!!!" A lean black weasel with red eyes jumped out the bag and started to go into a frenzy, jumping around the walls and knocking everything over. Sakura squealed in delight as her body tapped into her sugar reserves and she began chasing after the paniky weasel as fast as lightning. "ITACHI-SAN IS KAWAII!!! OTOU-SAN COME BACK!!!"

The weasel ran into Konan's room, followed by a hyped up Sakura. The room was messed up even more, but Konan didn't care she was admiring the poorly drawn card she was given. Pein was a different story he screamed like the little girl he was, and proceeded to try and clean up the path of destruction by Sakura and Itachi the Itachi.

Itachi the Itachi was quivering in the corner of the kitchen. Sakura was hiding in between the cupboards. (insert jaws theme tune) Itachi the Itachi squeaked again. Sakura grinned and pounced on it putting it in another bag. When it had seemingly settled down, she pulled Itachi the Itachi out by the scruff of his weasely neck. It spun round a little bit, looking a bit bored. Sakura's face lit up "KAWAII!!! MR ITACHI-CHAN!!!!" And she hugged poor Itachi the Itachi.

She skipped back to her siblings holding Itachi on her shoulder. Itachi began trembling a little bit when Sasuke picked him up and stared him in the eye, all those who think this is rather childish, think of your self a mouse, now imagine a 2 YEAR OLD little kid picking you up, and you can tell something bad is going to happen.

Sasuke smiled at Weasel and put it on his head, and then began walking towards Hidan's room. Itachi the Itachi calmed down and sat nervously on Sasuke's head. Sasuke walked in the room casually, and Itachi squeaked getting the attention of Kakazu, who realized what Sasuke intended to do with the weasel.

"Uh, Hidan…"(

""&£"$!"$$£!£$ MONKEY SHI- PIDDLE&&&&£ &(&$$&&()&$$&"

"Hidan… seriously Hidan"

Sasuke reached over to Hidan's pant's rim with one hand and used his other hand to pick up Itachi the Itachi. _'THIS KID IS CRAZY WHAT THE HELL NO NOT THE PANTS!!!' _In went Itachi the Itachi and out the door went Sasuke. Hidan started jumping about and slamming into things as the freaked out weasel tried to find an escape route. Poor Itachi hadn't been this close to male "parts" since Orochimaru.

_**WOOT I ENJOYED WRITING THAT, although I have realized that my stories are getting constantly shorter DAMN YOU WRITERS BLOCK AND WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SIGN IN GAWD anyways, R&R OR ITACHI WILL STAY IN HIDAN'S PANTS FOREVER MUWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA**__** oh by the way Ive actually written a story for once in my life **_


	9. WOOT BEACH PARTY

_**WAAAAHHHHH MY CHAPTERS ARE TO SHORT AND I'M LOSING MY REVIEWS NUUUUUUIIIIIOOOOOO UM…. Wow… this may surprise some ppl**__**... but … I'VE ACTUALLY WRITTEN SOME SERIOUS RANDOM WEDDING STORY it's called "the Runaway BridE"CUZ THAT'S WAT I WANNA BE lol XD I would really appreciate it if u read it and tell me wat u thinky plz**_

_**HA HA HA I HAVE OVER COME WRITER'S BLOCK WITH A CURE!!! BWAHAHAHAHA WRITER'S BLOCK meet… SUGAR HIGH L AND SAKURA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

_**Well anyways time for this shit of a story to carry on WOO HOO **_

_Sasuke reached over to Hidan's pant's rim with one hand and used his other hand to pick up Itachi the Itachi. 'THIS KID IS CRAZY WHAT THE HELL NO NOT THE PANTS!!!' In went Itachi the Itachi and out the door went Sasuke. Hidan started jumping about and slamming into things as the freaked out weasel tried to find an escape route. Poor Itachi hadn't been this close to male "parts" since Orochimaru._

"HOLY CRAP HIDAN STAY STILL!!! YOU'RE RUINING MY SIDE OF THE ROOM YOU RETARD!!!!"

"&&$£$!!$&££WEASEL IN MY &( PANTS HOLY CRAP IT HURTS IT HURTS LIKE £&& ARGH ARGH ARGH DON'T BITE ME!!!!!"

"**SQUEAK SQUEAK MEP"**

Somewhere at the back of Kakuzu's mind, a little voice was prompting him to question where Itachi was…oh the irony.

Hidan stuck his hand down his pants and pulled out a terrified weasel. He glared at the shivering weasel and started shouting many rude words and profanities that are so bad they cannot be mentioned.

"You little f---er you will make an unworthy sacrifice to jashin-sama"

The weasel glared and squeaked. Hidan's malicious grin disappeared and his eyes widened. "K-kakuzu…p-put a-a-away those tentacle thingys… they are starting to scare me… keep them away from my ASS DAMN IT!!!" Kakazu looked at Hidan like what the hell, cuz he was currently staring at the wall in terror and shouting those things, yeah… Well since we know that the weasel is Itachi and Kakazu has those tentacle type thingys AND what Hidan is saying, I'm pretty damn sure we know what Hidan is talking about… (REMEMEBER ITACHI HAS MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN UN)

Itachi escaped from the 2 idiots and ran into Pein-sama's room, however he was stopped by everyone's favourite knuckled-headed idiot, no not Naruto, That's right, heeeerrrrrrreeeee''ssssss TOBI (spotlights and music as tobi randomly jumps out of nowhere, doing the stayin' alive move)

"AHHH THERE'S A STRETCHED RAT IN THE CORRIDOR…TOBI WILL MAKE IT A PET FOR NARUTO-KUN DATTEBAYO UN!!" _**(And you wonder where Naruto picks up these things…dattebayo)**_ Tobi picked up the weasel and stared it in the eyes. "…Eh Itachi-san?" Itachi the Itachi smiled inwardly and probably would've licked Tobi's face, if he wasn't an uchiha…

"MR.ITACHI THE ITACHI IS A PERFECT NAME FOR U WEASEL-CHAN!!!!" ok… Itachi regretted ever thinking of wanting to lick Tobi's face right now... the idiot. Itachi nipped Tobi's hand; Tobi squealed, dropped Itachi the Itachi and watched him run towards leader and Konan's room.

Itachi skidded around the corner and ran in between the legs of Zetsu, who was screaming a lot and holding his face. Zetsu tripped, and narrowly missed crushing Itachi the Itachi. Itachi the Itachi ran up a flight of stairs into leader's and Konan's room, where he pounced on Leader-sama, who was currently re-painting his room a lovely shade of …um….Black?.

"WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT!?" Itachi the Itachi looked right into Leader-san's eyes and made his sharingan spin.

"What the hell… a weasel with Sharingan….that's new…"

Itachi the Itachi growled and Konan picked him up and looked at the annoyed weasel.

"So Itachi what the hell happened to you?"

"**Squeak"**

"So my kids have played a shitload of pranks and tricks on the entire Akatsuki. After you came back from your mission you went to your room and bag full of spiders fell on you, then they done something else and you turned into a weasel, Then Sasuke put you down Hidan's pants, and you found out that Hidan has crabs, so you done mangekyo sharingan on Hidan and then you ran here?"

Itachi nodded…wow…so that's what squeak means…

Pein looked at Konan with a "WTF?" look on his face, Konan just replied

"Cub scouts and brownies, 5 years. Weasel and squirrel speech training level 6," She then flashed a badge that had a picture of a weasel and squirrel talking to each other on it.

"Right…" Pein stood up and stared at the…uh… 'Conversation' between Itachi and Konan

"**squeak squeak quack sqeakums squeak squeakity squeak squeak quack hiss squeak"**

"And your hungry and want to change back?"

Itachi nodded again.

Pein, used to actually being in the conversation, "squeaked" himself which earned him a glare from Itachi.

"Uh... Pein?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any idea what you have just said?"

"Um... Hi how are you?"

"No you called Itachi a sadistic, gay, retarded, weak, demented, stupid, and inconsiderate girl with really long hair who is a pink polka-dotted and purple toe-nailed amoeba in disguise, "

Itachi went frigid and hissed at Pein, Who just stared back at him unaffected…kinda.

"You know... I think you should apologise Pein... an angry weasel can sometimes be worse then a pregnant woman… especially this one. this is Itachi remember and he has sharingan,"

Pein rolled his eyes and walked off back to his side of the room. Itachi growled and jumped.

"Pein, Do NOT turn around"

"Why not, WHAT THE HELL GET OFF YOU BASTARD??!!"

Konan just shook her head and sat down on her bed watching with interest.

"WTF? TO HELL WITH IT **IKIMONO** **JINSEI** **HAN****: FUJIN HENGE NO JUTSU!"**

There was a large poof…then SILENCE. Well when the smoke from the poof disappeared, there was no more weasel, Itachi stood in the weasel's place and glared at Pein who glared back, trying to stifle a laugh. Itachi was about to walk out when Konan called out

"Hey Itachi, What bra size are you?" Itachi stopped and noticed that slight heaviness on "his" chest. He looked down, hoping that Konan was wrong.

"What…The…Hell?" Itachi's voice was 8 octaves higher

There was another poof and in Pein's place stood Naruto who was grinning broadly. Sasuke and Sakura jumped in through the window and stood next to their brother. "HAPPY NOT BIRTHDAY KONAN!" They chorused presenting flowers, totally oblivious to the glaring and fuming Itachi, or just ignoring him/her. Konan smiled and cooed over them. Sakura ran over to Itachi and hugged his/her legs.

She looked up and put on a pout and puzzled face, "Are you my Okaa-san?" Itachi twitched and picked up Sakura.

Konan took Sakura away from Itachi, who was just about to glare her into insanity… I do believe that is possible. Do not judge my superior intellect

"Kids… I think you should... leave Otou-san alone right now…"

Sasuke looked up and hid a grin "Otou-san, that can't be Otou-san… see Otou-san doesn't have Funbags, She does though!" He said pointing at Itachi's…"funbags."

Konan sighed and realized something "Hey Naruto, if you were Pein, where is the real Pein?"

_**MEANWHILE HALFWAY ACROSS THE NINJA WORLD**_

"Ok.. according to this map that "Itachi" gave me, I should be at the jinchuuriki's house by now…"

"Hello sir, welcome to Mcdonalds, May I take your order?"

"What the hell Mcdonalds? Um.. I'm looking for a man named "weenir" first intials"I.C"

"Icy Weiner? Sir is this some kind of joke?"

"Uh no, are you sure there isn't anyone here who is a jinchuuriki with the 5-tailed beast/demon thing here?"

"Um...no"

"Ok well in that case, I'll have a chicken Mclegend and 20 mcnuggets with fanta apple meal, a fish burger, 3 kid's meals all nuggets, (_**after 10 minutes of explaining the orders) **_and 2, um special edition blood burgers with extra ketchup."

"..Wow you must have a big appetite sir"

"It's not for me you idiot, it's for…my"family" (insert awww here) PISS OFF U IDIOTS, oh yeah... that's about it"

"Well, uh ok since you ordered over 5 meals twice, you get a 75 discount; your order shall be with you shortly."

"Really 75? Sweet"

**(1 hour later)**

"Here you go sir, originally the price would be £55.99, but since you have a discount it's £15.99"

"Ok, here,"

(**Pein places £10 on the counter)**

"Uh, sir this isn't the right am-damn it... he's gone"

**Somewhere outside Mcdonalds)**

"Ha Ha Sucker"

**Back in Mcdonalds)**

"HEY JIM HAS HE LEFT YET?"

"YEAH, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW BOB"

"Thanks for not telling man…"

"He asked for the 5 tailed demon beast thing, not the 7-tailed demon beast thing, I'm only following the Mcdonalds policy "Do Not give away false information"

"……"

_**BACK AT THE AKATSUKI BASE**_

**(Pein has just walked through the boulder…door****...type...thing)**

"…Did Deidara set off a bomb in here…?"

Zetsu comes running by holding his face, which is fizzling and screaming. "riiigghhhttt…."

Kisame comes in twitching and holding an inflated shark.

"…um…ok?"

Sasori comes running by, screaming like a little girl, while his arm is being eaten off by the termites, he crashes into the sofa and falls.

"…MEETING NOW!!!!"

_**IN THE AKATSUKI MEETING ROOM**_

Well…the meeting of freaks, just got freakier. Hmmm…where to start, ok;In Deidara's corner, a bloody, splintering pulp; Over to Sasori, a wooden moving feast for termites, his arm and left leg are now missing; Next to Sasori, we have tobi who is whistling the lucky charm theme tune;Zetsu is holding a wet cloth of "Plant gro" on his eyes; Kakuzu is using his tentacle type thing to rob everyone;Hidan is twitching and sitting on his ass; Kisame is STILL holding the shark; Everyone is staring at Itachi's overly large "funbags" Itachi is glaring at the 3 kids in the middle; Konan is eating the cake from before and finally; the kids are sit clad in the middle, grinning their heads off as if nothing happened.

Yes…quite freakish isn't it… Itachi has funbags… BIGGER THEN MINE DAMN IT…uh…right…cough……………

ANYWAYS IGNORING THAT COMMENT :D

"Ok, I want to know what happened, um…pfft...Itachi you can (snicker) go first" Pein

"We came back we were drunk, I was captured in a bag-" Itachi

"Wait how the hell did you get captured in a bag?"Pein

_Itachi looks over at the kids_

_Sasuke grins childishly back at him_

_Itachi glares_

_Sasuke sticks his tongue out_

"Right…so it was Sasuke's fault" Pein

_Itachi nodded_

"And then I got changed into a Weasel, then into this…" Itachi

_Itachi points at his/her "funbags"_

_Naruto chuckles_

"Hmm…yes, Well Kisame?" Pein

"T-there were d-d-dead f-family members in m-my r-r-r-oom" Kisame

_Sakura hugs__ Mr.Flopsy making it squeak, which draws attention to herself_

"I'm guessing it was Sakura's fault?" Konan

_Everyone__ is still staring at Sakura, so she gets scared and runs to hug Naruto and hide behind Sasuke_

"It hardly seems she would do anything though… Kisame are you sure?" Pein

_Kisame looks straight at Sakura, her eyes flash yellow, and she grins evilly, only Kisame can see it though and flinches_

"…YES…" Kisame

"Ok…Deidara" Pein

"…" Deidara

_Konan is filing her nails, everyone looks at her_

"What?"Konan

_Everyone__ sweatdrops and looks back at the bloody pile of mush, I mean Deidara_

_**(Since I'm too lazy to describe what happened to everyone I'll go straight to the conclusion and what the kids say)**_

"Well ok, before we decide your punishment, what intention did you three have in doing this to us?" Pein

"Well" Naruto

"It was" Sakura

"HOMEWORK" all three

_Everyone__ does an anime fall and sweatdrops_

"Homework… doing evil things to us is homework?" Sasori

"Um, you guys I'll be (Konan's stomach growls) back in a minute" Konan

_Konan goes to the bathroom_

"Yup, Uncle Deedra set it as Homework" Naruto

"We had to trick and prank the Akatsuki in 1 day" Sakura

"So Uncle Deedra," Sasuke

"DO WE PASS?" all 3

_Everyone glares at Deidara, apart from the kids, who are beaming and looking hopeful; Deidara miraculously heals!_

"Stop looking at me like that un… I didn't think they'd be able to do it… also, hmm, you kids didn't anything to Konan" Deidara

"Yes we did" Sasuke

"We put laxatives in her cake!" Naruto

_Everyone __twitches; Pein is shaking his head sighing deeply_

"Well I guess that means you pass, un" Deidara

"YAY!!!" Sakura and Naruto because Sasuke is an Emo Panda, I mean he's an emo baby

_Just then tobi pulls a string and confetti__, colourful lights and half naked people comes out of no where_

"EVERYBODY DANCE!!" Tobi shouted, then random music came on and Tobi started Dancing.

"WOO HOO BEACH PARTAY!!!" Some random girl said

"God this is Random… but meh EVERYBODY CONGO UN!!" Deidara shouted then some congo music came on and thus began the congo line!

"CONGO CONGO CONGO!!!"

And one by one the Akatsuki joined the congo line, the kids were cooed over by random people and they ran around chasing each other, WOOT BEACH PARTY!!!! Apart from Konan who is still in the bathroom.

"OMG LOOK THERE'S A LIMBO STICK!!!" Tobi shouted again

"WOO HOO LIMBO!!!! HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"

"Ne, Okaa-san what's a limbo?" Naruto asked to some random blonde girl, who looked surprisingly like Naruto's sister in a way…0.o

"Ok, 1. I am NOT your mother, but you are adorably cute so here, Limbo is a game, and you have to go under the stick without touching it!" She said ruffling Naruto's hair.

Naruto called over his siblings and explained the wonders of the limbo, and they decided to play.

They watched Hidan bend underneath the stick and walked right underneath it.

They ran up to Itachi, who was sitting on the sofa (_**YES THE MEETING ROOM HAS SUDDENLY CHANGED INTO THE HALL!)**_ and glaring and flipping off anybody who stared at his/her boobs, and sat quietly at his/her side waiting for the party to end. Naruto had fallen asleep and his jutsu was cancelled, so Itachi the literal Girl/ Guy went back to being a guy! Yay for Itachi! Sasuke fell asleep on his lap and Sakura sat calmly by his side as the random beach party carried on.

You see Itachi didn't really like getting involved in parties, not since the innovation party… (Shivers) that was disturbing.

A lot of girls walked by and looked at the stoic Uchiha and 3 kids and giggled or "awed" at the sweet smile that Sakura granted them with. Sometimes they would walk up to him and ask if they were his, he would nod and Sakura would greet them properly by going "Hi I'm Sakura! Nice to meet you! These are my brothers Sasuke and Naruto, and my Daddy, I love them very much!" Then she would hug Itachi's legs to prove her point; she had learned that her "daddy" wasn't a very talkative person, so she would talk instead. The girls would then aw and present Sakura with candy or a hug or usually a small kiss on the forehead and she would giggle and return to Itachi's side humming a little song.

Yes it was rather cute, until Sakura fell asleep sucking a lollipop, well it was still cute. Itachi took the rest of Sakura's unfinished sweets and put them in his pocket, probably to eat himself or give to them later.

About 8 hours later THE PARTY ENDED… AT 4: 30 AM!! Itachi was still awake and Naruto had woken up as well. Naruto was bored so he got an imaginary stick and began poking all the people who were on the floor, they either groaned, mumbled something, rolled over or didn't move. He found this highly amusing and kept poking the ones that mumbled something, cuz they always said something funny, like "Protect my nuggets zzzzzzz…" or "hee hee BOOBIES" Until Itachi picked him up and told him to stay put on the sofa, and that he'd be back soon.

Naruto watched Itachi drag out bodies that weren't Akatsuki and chuck them outside. He then saw Itachi go into the kitchen and after a couple of minutes, come back with an orange baby cup that was decorated with a little foxes running around it, full of apple juice and a small bowl of strawberries.

Itachi placed the bowl on Naruto's lap, gave Naruto the baby cup and sat back down on the sofa, adjusting the sleeping 2 so that they were in a more comfortable position. He turned on the TV to a kiddy show _**(cough POWER RANGERS NINJA FORCE cough) **_and retreated back to his room, where he intended to stay for the rest of the day, not knowing that Naruto had accidentally sat on the remote changing the channel to Playboy TV…..

_**TA DA!!!! Well Itachi certainly is a fatherly figure ne?**__** and this chapter has proved how EVIL homework can be… show this to ppl who think homework is a good thing, and prove them horribly wrong MWAHAHAHAHAAHA**_

_**OMFG GUESS WAT? YUP I'M LEARNING JAPANESE SQEEEEE (running around in chibi form like the hyperactive monkey I am) YESH TOBI IS THE PARTY STARTER!!! GO TOBI!! Omg… while I've been typing the story… I missed the party…. NOOOOOOOOOO oh wait I can just do another party, I know let's have a… BISHI PARTY WOOT where all the smexy people from EVERY SINGLE ANIME EVA! Are all partying AND WOO HOO YOUR ALL INVITIED YAY!!!!! (**__**The song 'let's get retarded' comes on) WOOOO CONGO LINE!!! R&R PPL R&R OR ELSE ITACHI IS TURNED INTO ITACHI AGAIN BWAHAHAHAA OI STOP TRYIGN TO SPIKE THE PUNCH THAT'S MY JOB DAMN IT XDDD REVIEWS PLZ!!!!! (If your line from ur story has appeared here I'm sorry, but it was an awesome line to use XD) **_


	10. ZOMG PIE ok maybe not XD

_**Whoa, been busy again damn it, well I was writing more crack stories awww… I'm disappointed, I didn't get a lotta reviews, well no matter hopefully I'll get more reviews with this chapter. OMFG I'M GONNA SAVE UP A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY, SO I CAN GET A YORUICHI COSPLAY OUTFIT FOR THE ANIME EXPO IN MAY X3 uh...cough um…where'd that come from? Well meh I have a question, but I'll ask you at the end of this chapter**_

_Itachi placed the bowl on Naruto's lap, gave Naruto the baby cup and sat back down on the sofa, adjusting the sleeping 2 so that they were in a more comfortable position. He turned on the TV to a kiddy show __**(cough POWER RANGERS NINJA FORCE cough) **__and retreated back to his room, where he intended to stay for the rest of the day, not knowing that Naruto had accidentally sat on the remote changing the channel to Playboy TV….._

Deidara twitched and sat up, his vision fuzzy from sleeping eyes wide open on a pillow (_**Omg seriously, if you lie down on fluffy material with your eyes open, it makes you see fuzzy like**_) he rubbed his eyes and sat up, head pounding from someone (not mentioning namesCOUGHHIDANCOUGH) spiking the punch.

He turned towards the blaring TV and squinted. "What the hell Itachi…" he muttered staring at the figure on the sofa. Deidara's hair stood up and the colour was drained from him, when he saw who was watching the perverted channel. He stood up and scrambled over to the innocent little blonde boy on the sofa, whose innocence was slowly turning very very…devilish, shall we say?

Anyways Deidara scrambled over to the sofa and got the remote and changed the channel back onto... JETIX, no ANIME CENTRAL where there was a bleach marathon. Naruto was just sitting there, kinda foaming at the mouth and twitching. Deidara waved his hand infront of Naruto's face, Naruto didn't even flinch, and he just carried on foaming on the sofa. Deidara's hand licked Naruto's face. Nope. Deidara said" I have Candy" in a sing song voice. Nope. Deidara randomly got a guitar and smashed it on the ground. Nope.

Deidara carried on doing random things to remove the kyuubi-boy from his foaming state, including splashing hot and cold water on him, nope nothing happened. Eventually the rest of the Akatsuki woke up and stared at Deidara and Naruto strangely. Deidara explained everything and everyone sweat dropped. "HEY PAY ATTENTION UN!!!" Well it's kinda hard to pay attention to a guy who has a sock puppet, which was getting eaten by the mouth on his hand. Deidara got into a screeching frenzy; So Sasori brought out a bazooka and shot him.

"OH MY GOD YOU KILLED DEIDARA!!"

"YOU BASTARD!!" Hidan and Kakazu randomly shouted. Sasori sweat dropped.

"It's only a tranquilizer, 60 miles an hour baby, oh yes" Sasori said petting the beloved bazooka…Man these guys don't get out much do they?

Sasuke woke up to a rather…interesting sight. Hmm where to start…well Deidara was lying on the flooring unmoving with a dart sticking out of his backside and a sock puppet on his hand, that looked a lot like Konan; Hidan and Kakazu were shouting at each other for no apparent reason; Naruto was foaming in front of him and Sasori was petting a bazooka.

Sasuke cocked his head to the side questioningly. He rubbed his eyes

"Ne, Uncle Sasori…why is everyone shouting and why is Naru-chan foaming on the couch?"

Sasori stopped petting the bazooka and looked at Sasuke.

"Hmm… I can't answer the first one, but I can answer the second one. Naruto has seen… certain "things" that have leaded him to this state, and we can't pull him out of it!"

Sasuke nodded then asked

"Um…can you get me a big bowl of beef and prawn ramen please?"

He put on big watery eyes and pout for an added affect. Sasori nodded and walked off to the kitchen. A couple minutes later Sasori came back with a big bowl of beef and prawn soup and placed it on Sasuke's lap.

"You gonna eat all that Sasuke?" Sasuke shook his head

"Nope I'm gonna wake up Naruto"

Everyone went silent and watched Sasuke take a big breath and move right next to Naruto's ear.

"HEY DOBE I'M GONNA EAT ALL YOUR RAMEN IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP SOON!!!!" Sasuke bellowed.

"Tch yeah right as if that would wake-"

"WHAT THE HELL DATTEBAYO UP YOURS TEME THAT RAMEN IS MINE!!!!" Naruto retorted, louder then Sasuke of course, waking up the rest of the people sleeping, including Sakura and Deidara. Naruto then started chomping and slurping up the ramen on Sasuke's lap, all the while glaring at Sasuke.

Konan walked into the room rubbing her forehead, "Which one of you idiots are shouting so loud, gawd I think you woke up Pein, and you guys know how he is during his beauty naps…"

_**Half way Across the Akatsuki Base**_

Pein was lying down in bed with his awesome auburn hair in curlers and cucumber slices on his eyes. He heard loud noises and sat up abruptly, making the cucumber slices to fall onto the floor and his hair curlers to come out a bit. "What the hell…" Pein looked at the digital clock next to him, it read: 7:00am. "Who the hell would dare wake me up at 7:00 BLOODY AM???!!!EVERYONE KNOWS I'M NOT TO BE DISTURBED FROM MY GODDAMN BEAUTY NAPS, I mean, SLEEP!!! GAH" He stood up and made his way to the door…

_**Back in the living room**_

Sasuke and Naruto stopped what they were doing and bowed in front of Konan, "Ohayo Konan-chan" then carried on doing what the were doing before. Konan smiled and ruffled their hair "Hey guys what's up?"

Sakura yawned and rubbed her eyes, she instinctively felt the material she was on and blinked repeatedly.

"O-otou-san? Where is Otou-san?"

Everyone looked at Sakura. Sakura yawned again, climbed down from the sofa and walked out the room.

"Oi Sakura, where you going yeah?" Deidara asked sitting up

Sakura didn't look back she just replied "Otou-san has my candy, I want them back…"

"OHHH MMMM GEEEEE I WANNA COME I WANT SOME CANDY DATTEBAYO TAKE ME WITH YOU DATTEBAYO LOOK I FINISHED MY RAMEN ALREADY COME ON!!!!" Naruto was jumping up and down like a hyperactive little puppy again and rushed to Sakura's side

Everyone looked at her weirdly "Where'd you get candy from, Sakura? There weren't any at the party" Sasori waited for an answer from the candy floss girl. Sakura turned around smiling,

"Some nice ladies gave them to me when I was with Daddy!! They said I was pretty and cute along with my brothers!!!" Sakura did a little twirl and Naruto done 1 too, just cause he felt like it.

Hidan scowled

"I swear Itachi is gay or something…I mean he gets to look after 3 chick magnets, gets a whole flock of girls and ignores them, what the hell is up with that?"

Somewhere in his room, Itachi had the sudden urge to kill/torture Hidan. 'I'll make a note of that later' he thought. Sasuke walked up to his siblings and whispered something. Both of the two nodded in delight and smiled brightly. Konan twitched a lot and looked up at the ceiling "Shit, Pein's coming, well done you retards, if he sees this mess he'll kill us all!" The 3 ran out the room quickly while the rest of the Akatsuki started tiding up the bomb site, I mean living room, cough.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU IDIOTS FOUND IT FUNNY TO BLAST A HOLE IN THE WALL LAST NIGHT???!!!!" Deidara was trying to escape through the window, he actually made it as well, lucky bastard.

The 3 toddlers ran through the pitch black corridors; Naruto crashed into something. There was a low growl from the object he crashed into and Naruto scurried away from 'it' quickly.

Sasuke looked back at Naruto, "DOBE what's taking you so L-" Sakura grabbed Sasuke's and Naruto's hand and began running.

Sasuke looked puzzled "Sakura, why are you running?"

Sakura smiled "Because Daddy is near here, I can feel it!" (_**It's that kinda spiritual connection that forms between offspring and parent, foster/biological; they can tell when something happens to the other, creepy I know**_)

The three walked pass 8 identical doors, until Sakura stopped at one particular one. She beamed and pushed open the door.

"OTOU-Ssan?" She squealed and ran into the room, then stopped suddenly, her brothers followed in afterwards and looked at the girl in front of them. The room's light wasn't on and Itachi wasn't in his room.

"Sakura-chan you sure this is his room?" Naruto asked looking around. Sakura began nibbling on her sleeve; it was a little habit she had picked up when she was nervous or scared. She nodded her head hurriedly and looked around, her eyes glossed over as she started chewing her sleeve more. Sasuke and Naruto began looking around, whilst Sakura trailed behind them. "Otou-san should be on the b-bed, we should go check…" Sakura ran over to the bed and climbed up with a bit of difficulty and sat down.

"AH KAWAII IT'S A KITTY!!!!" There was a long type cat furry thing on Itachi's bed and it like it was sleeping peacefully, until Sakura grabbed it and started stroking and petting it. _**(Hee hee) **_Beady black eyes shot open and quickly flashed to red and black. 'It' Hissed and instantly bit Sakura's hand, leaving a small imprint of little rows of teeth on Sakura's hand and it started bleeding profusely. Sakura started wailing loudly "MEAN KITTY BITED ME!!!!" Naruto and Sasuke jumped up onto the bed and flipped out some kunai, throwing it at the 'kitty.' The kitty dodged and there was a loud poof. Sasuke and Naruto leaped into it and there was a whole load of shouts and screams from it. Sakura sat there watching and sucking her bite from the 'kitty.'

After all the smoke from the poof disappeared, Itachi was sitting on the bed with Naruto gnawing on his cheek and Sasuke holding his abdomen. _**(Damn I wish I was Sasuke right now lucky bastard X3) **_Itachi had little kitty type ears twitching on his head _**(COULDN'T RESIST X3**_) he pulled off the two boys and looked at them wearily, he then set his eyes on Sakura, who was examining her bite mark and trying to stop the bleeding by rubbing it on her dress. Itachi sighed, like hell he could back to sleep now, his twitchy ears poofed away and went back to their normal human form. Sasuke and Naruto were smiling at him and Sakura was getting ready to run and jump him. Sakura Jumped and Itachi couldn't do anything but take it on full blow. "DADDY!!!!!" She literally screamed, He groaned but tried smiling at the pink haired girl.

After some silence he finally said something "What's wrong with you three today?" Naruto's grin widened "We just came to say hi!!!"

"DADDY CAN I HAVE MY CANDY BACK!???" Sakura was looking up hopefully. Itachi shook his head "It's too early…" Sakura began sulking and started chewing her sleeve again.

Itachi got up and started searching through some draws on the other side of the room and came back a little while later with some bandages. He began dabbing Sakura's bite mark with some tissue and wrapped the bandage around her hand. Sakura looked up at him "Are going to kiss my hand Otou-san? Konan says that kisses make booboo's better!!" Itachi shook his head in a firm 'HELL NO' Sakura made big puppy eyes and

"pwetty pwease?!!"

"No"

She stuck out her bottom lip

"Pwease?"

"No"

Her lip quivered

"Pwetty Pwease wiv a cwerry on top?!!"

"…"

He leaned forward and pecked her hand quickly, but pulled back into his previous posture. Sakura squealed and clapped happily. Sasuke scoffed and Naruto began laughing.

After awhile all the children were sat on the bed, holding a crayon and colouring some random picture of a ninja from suna. Itachi sat on the other side of the room glaring at them and stopping himself from falling asleep. His elbow hit something and the shelf above his head trembled threateningly. Itachi stood up just incase the heavy kunai and smoke bombs he kept up there fell down. A large book fell on Itachi's foot and he instinctively pulled it away and somehow managed to hit his head on the wall in the process. Everything got dark and Itachi collapsed on the floor.

Sasuke was the first one to notice his unconscious "father" on the floor and climbed down from the bed to poke him. Sasuke took his favourite kunai out from his back pocket and began poking Itachi with the blunt end. Itachi stirred but barely moved. Sasuke looked at the black crayon in his hand, then at the unmoving body on the floor. The mini cogs and tiny hamsters in running wheels where whirring in Sasuke's tiny little mind. An Idea sprung up in his brain; he grinned and began working on Itachi's face with the crayon.

As Sasuke worked on, Naruto came up behind him, all colourful from eating the crayons and holding red and yellow crayons. Naruto grinned his trademark foxish grin and began helping Sasuke decorate Itachi's face and body. Sakura gingerly jumped down from the bed and walked up to her siblings. She gulped when she saw what they were doing and sat down by Itachi's head, unconsciously fiddling with his (VERY LONG AND SMEXY XD) hair. Sakura was bored watching her siblings draw all over Itachi's face, so she started messing with his hair, suddenly getting the idea of tying his hair in two bunches. She pulled out one of her hair bands; a very pretty and glittery bunch of cherries on a spring green stretchy band, bought by…dun dun dun….DEIDARA and SASORI on a shopping trip!!!

Anyways, Sakura held the hair band in her left hand, whilst undoing Itachi's red one from his hair carefully. A couple minutes later she was holding a long red ribbon, a couple of dull black hair clips and her cherry hair band. She was staring at Itachi's hair in shock; it was really, really, really SERIOUSLY REALLY long _**(think of Renji's, from Bleach, with his hair out, dude it's LOOOONNNNGGGG yeah pretty much Itachi's way lol XD)**_. Sakura, with difficulty, carefully pulled out Itachi's hair and started combing it out with her fingers. Eventually Naruto and Sasuke finished on Itachi's face then watched Sakura adjust Itachi's hair in two cute bunches. She finished and looked at the red ribbon and clips in her hand wondering what to do with them. She put them on the floor next to Itachi and giggled clapping her hands at hers and siblings handiwork.

Smiling happily she grabbed their hands and giggling, ran out of the room, not noticing that one half of her own hair was neatly tied with a pretty cherry hairband, while the other half was let out and billowing out behind her, although it was quite short. Naruto and Sasuke couldn't help but laugh as well.

_**I don't know why but I felt like ending this sooner… I'm not sure if the chapter ending would qualify as fluff but wat the hell, OMG I'M SOOOOO SORY THAT I DIDN'T POST THIS UP SOONER GAH . IT'S SKOOL'S FAULT I TELL YOU SKOOL!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, I drawed my first picky and put it up on deviantart YAY ME!!!(claps) have a look pwease (does sakura pouting) just search for " :sugarebel" on DeviantART!!!! OMG I CUT UP SOME BLACK FABRIC AND SEWED EARS AND A TAIL ON TO MY ITACHI CHIBI PLUSH HE LOOKS SO ADORABLE NOW!!!! X3 SQEEEEE R&R PLZ FOR THE SAKE OF ITACHI WEASEL CHIBI AND SAKURA POUTING (pouts soemmore) :D HAV NICE DAY PEEPS!!!!!**_

_**R&R!!!! p.s. to all those who kno yoruichi, do I think I'd look good as her? (sorry if u haven't seen ma picture! I'll see if I can put it up for about 2 days, cuz I know some of you are pervs out there (looks around)**_


	11. SORRY TT

_**T-T as much as I'd hate to, I have to postpone the chapters for "Who the Hell said babies were a bundle of joy" because I can't think of anything, writer's block is just like the FLU man, it's contagious (got it from **__**Athalia**__** XD) and **__**everytime**__** you get rid of it, it comes BACK stronger T-T. I am still writing the sleepover story and the random bleach story incase you want something to keep you occupied **__**gah**__** I'm **__**sooooooo**__** sorry**______**Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**__** DAMN YOU WRITER'S **__**BLOCK**__**,SCHOOL**__** AND GOD (thunder cracks) uh…I mean….SHE DID IT!!!!! (**__**goes**__** and hides behind Itachi) WELL **__**DAT'S**__** THE PROBLEM, I'M SORRY IF YOU WERE EXPECTING A CHAPTER BUT…**__**argggggghhhh**__** I feel so sad now T-T **_


End file.
